Six Sentence – 03/18/12

Here’s an excerpt from my current project. Here the main character is returning from a coffee outing with his “new friend”. She has a little something to say to him, as he’s attempting to get out of her car:

“Look in my eyes,” she said. Ryan looked down at the littered passenger floor, before focusing in on her hazel eyes.

“Don’t be nervous with me,” she stared deeply at him. “I’m not gonna hurt you, so mellow out next time we meet, OK?”

Ryan nodded and bit his lip. He felt he would try to make the effort.

Categories: Life

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2 thoughts on “Six Sentence – 03/18/12

  1. Nice six, Frank. I like her straightforwardness–love me my genuine people 🙂 Hope you don’t mind a suggestion–the last line would read better if you try to get rid of “He felt”. Those “filters” tend to distance the reader a bit from the story, and you don’t want that. Great snippet, though, and best of luck with your WIP!

  2. Sounds like the floor of my car, lol! Intriguing 6, nice glimpse into his POV

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