Six Sunday – 7/1/12

Well today is #sixsunday, where aspiring authors share their snippets. Sorry I was away the past two Sundays, but had a bit of work to do after a long two-day drive. This week, we continue with Ryan and Cammy where they are talking about each other’s families, and when Ryan asks about Cammy’s father she becomes uneasy. Hope you find it interesting. And to the Canadian authors out there Happy Canada Day! So here it is:

“Nothin’, anyways so what about your dad? You haven’t said much about him.”

Taking a drag on her cigarette, she remained silent and stared at her feet.

“Cammy?” he asked again, looking a little confused. She didn’t so much as even look up at him. Her face fell and the world around her seemed to slow down at the mention of her father.

Categories: Life

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8 thoughts on “Six Sunday – 7/1/12

  1. siobhanmuir

    Oh, it sounds like there’s history there. Good six, Frank.

    I do have one question: Who’s POV is this in? If it’s in his, he can’t see his face “looking a little confused”. And if it’s hers, she wouldn’t see her own face “fall”. Just something to think about when anchoring the reader in your story. 🙂

    • Thanks for point that out…since its in third person, I was trying to show the reader what they were both feeling, but I can change that.

  2. Monica Enderle Pierce

    I read back on your previous posts, and I like how he’s dodged and redirected the focus in this conversation. Interesting characters and dynamic you have going here, Frank.

    Picking up on Siobhan’s observation, if you don’t mind. If you’re working with third person omniscient, then you can get away with showing both characters’ POVs, but it’s tricky. However, I think her silence and lack of eye contact conveys her feelings. His repetition of the question (perhaps coupled with a physical act like rubbing the back of his neck or tugging on her hand?) shows his confusion/concern. 🙂

  3. I really like the line “… the world around her seemed to slow down at the mention of her father.” Nicely descriptive and a great lead-in to what may follow.

  4. Sounds like she has some sad history there!

  5. Wildcat's Wife

    So much is swirling through my noggin about Cammy’s dad. There’s a painful past, this I am sure.

  6. Nice suggestion of backstory. Maybe Cammy’s Dad is why Cammy is so tough?

  7. samantha

    I’m intrigued to know the history….cool six! 🙂

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