8 Sunday – Inaugural Post

 

Hello all! It’s my first posting on Weekend Writing Warriors. I’m so glad that a few new memes have popped up. For those from the old Six Sunday, it’ great to see you all (online) again. For those who are not familiar with me, I’m Frank and I write YA fiction. For the past year, I’ve been sharing snippets from my novel in progress. On WeWriWa, I intend to continue sharing from this novel. Don’t judge until you’ve read my snippets.

In this snippet, my main character, Ryan, is at a diner with his brother Miguel. They’re waiting for Cammy, the other main character, to arrive but it’s been over 45 minutes and she hasn’t arrived.

Fifteen more minutes had passed and still Cammy hadn’t showed up. Checking the clock on the home screen of his Smartphone, Miguel titled his head from side to side. Ryan pinched the skin of his throat as he kept one eye on the front door, the other looking over the devouring trucker through the large multi-paned window. Even Tracy, who was drumming her fingers, began to suspect something fishy.

“The hell’s goin’ on Ryan?” asked Miguel. “This chick comin’ or what?”

“Miguel!” Tracy hissed, her voice low. “Don’t refer to women as chicks!”

*note that Tracy is Miguel’s girlfriend

Your feedback is most welcome and appreciated. Take care everyone!

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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25 thoughts on “8 Sunday – Inaugural Post

  1. I loved how you showed Ryan’s concern and how that was contrasted by his brother’s impatience. I hope Cammy is OK.

  2. I love the way you’ve described their different actions as they’re waiting! Good to read you again Frank.

    • There needs to be different reactions otherwise there wouldn’t be tension…it leaves the reader wondering what’s going on.

  3. She isn’t making a good impression, is she?

  4. You’ve captured the tension in the waiters well. Without the context around this snippet it’s hard to tell how this will come across to the reader – have there been any hints of reasons to fear the worst? That would make all the difference between mundane “stuck in traffic” late, or edge of the seat “she’s been caught by the mad axe-murderer” late 😀

    • This is the beginning of the waiting part, hints come later in the chapter; it turns out that Cammy doesn’t show up nor even reply to Ryan’s texts or phone calls. I explain in the previous chapter the set up to the dinner and that it’s not a problem for Cammy. Hard to pack so much in eight sentences.

  5. “Don’t refer to women as chicks” made me smile. 🙂 The characters definitely seem real and I’d like to read more. (Did you mean to say Miguel “titled” his head? Typo for “tilted”?)

  6. You got lost in the crowd on SSS but here it’s easier to read those I’ve missed. The chick comment is something that could be said so makes it real and your action descriptions are excellent

  7. Poor Ryan, I bet he’s beginning to get worried about her.

  8. Could she have heard something about Miguel?

    • You mean Cammy? Yes, Ryan told her in the previous chapter which didn’t bother her. I’ll reveal why she didn’t show up later.

  9. Tense stuff. I like it. Why doesn’t she show up I wonder?

  10. Welcome to WeWriWa, Frank! Nice first post. I like the fact that Tracy doesn’t like Miguel’s using the word chick. Hope Cammy has a good reason for being late…or a no-show.

    • Her excuse isn’t that good…I’ll let you be the judge of that. Tracy is quick to let him know when he says something impetuous like that.

  11. I love how your snippet has made all of us ponder and theorize and worry about Cammy and…very effective excerpt indeed LOL!

  12. siobhanmuir

    There’s definitely something wrong. Good snippet, Frank. 🙂

  13. Very authentic snippet here. You brought me to their table. ;c)

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