Weekend Writing Warriors – 3/31/13

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Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors and Happy Easter! Thank you all for commenting on my last 8. This week I’m taking a break from my novel and sharing an 8 from a YA short story, which I just finished.

Set-Up: My heroine, Sunny, is on her way to meet her friends for a party, before going away to college. She stops for coffee, when she’s approached by battered young woman.

And now for the 8:

 

Thinking about the piping-hot, frothy latte I’d have, I inched closer to the glass door when I felt something tapping on my shoulder. I turned around and nearly jumped back, a millisecond from crying out. A young woman, maybe a few years older than me, was standing barefoot in ragged jeans and a navy tank-top. Puzzled by the puffy bruise on her cheek, I adjusted my glasses gazing at her black left eye. She held out her hand, her livid wrist red with welts.

“Got any change, kid?” she asked her voice flat. I winced, wondering what good spare change would do for her.

“I…d-don’t have any,” I lied and stepped back, while she lowered a brow and studied me.

 

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11 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – 3/31/13

  1. There’s some lovely description in this snippet, from the latte to the woman. I’m curious about what her story is. Sunny’s fear was both tangible and realistic. Great snippet.

  2. Wonderful description Frank. Hope he doesn’t just close the door on the poor woman.

  3. This is a terrific snippet, Frank! You pack a lot of characterization in without dumping, And as short as it is, it makes me want to know more!
    Just one suggestion: when you say “I adjusted my glasses gazing at at her…” that actually means her glasses were gazing. Just change that to something like “I adjusted my glasses and gazed…” and it’s fixed!
    Can’t wait to read the next one!

    • Thanks for you comment and suggestion; I’ve already made the change. The story needs to be edited though, since it’s my first draft.

  4. Powerful eight, Frank! Very vivid. I wonder why Sunny lied instead of giving the woman some change. After whatever she’s been through, she could probably use some coffee.

  5. This excerpt really makes me want to know more and keep reading. The description of the battered girl was so vivid.

  6. I hope he doesn’t totally blow her off. it looks like she needs some help.

  7. siobhanmuir

    Happy Easter, Frank. Poignant snippet and a difficult situation. NIcely done. 🙂

  8. very emotional snippet.

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