Trapped in a steel-walled room (A Weekend Writing Warriors Excerpt)


It’s Weekend Writing Warriors time. Thanks for spending part of your Sunday with me. After a month of traveling, which included the RWA conference, I finally return to share snippets from my stories. I’m sharing an 8 from my new short story entitled, Barbecued, which is a new adult suspense/horror. I’m not sure if I will publish it or not. I’ll return to share snippets from my novel in September. Anyways, here’s the info:

Set-up: My heroines Melissa and Ashley, two teenage sisters, are vacationing at a country house rented by their parents. While their parents are at a party, Melissa and Ashley are relaxing on a couch and watching TV in the basement. Suddenly, the couch spins them around, dumping them into a walled room. The POV is from Melissa.

The Eight:

Pushing my hair away from my face, I got to my feet as Ashley gingerly stood up. While she massaged her arm, I crumpled my brows, gazing at the steel walls that completely surrounded us. Without a single exit, my stomach felt rock hard, and I wasn’t even sure if we were even in the house. Ashley glanced down at the frigid metal floor beneath our feet. Looking down, I was almost impressed by its’ weird hexagon pattern that spread across the entire room.

“H-how are we gonna get outta here?” Ashley asked, as she turned to me. Without answering, I slowly approached the wall to my left, reaching out to touch it when a female voice called from above. “There’s no way out, young lady!”

I will continue sharing more from this story next week. We will see what’s in store for Melissa and Ashley. Your comments are always helpful and appreciated. I look forward to reading your snippets as well. Click on the link above for the official list of participating authors.


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24 thoughts on “Trapped in a steel-walled room (A Weekend Writing Warriors Excerpt)

  1. How comforting of the disembodied voice!

    What an interesting spin (pun intended) on the secret passage mystery! 😀

  2. Exciting snippet Frank, love your descriptions about the floor etc!

  3. sharonbuchbinder

    Whoa. That is one terrible way to start your vacation!! Looking forward to the next snippet!

  4. Wow, interesting set up and very creepy/scary! Excellent excerpt, not liking that disembodied voice too much!

  5. Excellent! I want to know what happens next! Good 8 🙂

  6. I’m wondering how much their parents knew when they rented the place.

  7. Sounds like they rented the wrong house. o.O That’s an oddly polite captor they have… This has the feel of an experiment the are *not* going to enjoy–nice set up!

    You have a dangling modifier in “Without a single exit…” by the way.

  8. Yikes – what a predicament! Can’t wait to read what happens next. Gripping!

  9. burnsmillie

    Aw, crap! Sounds like these girls are in for it! Nice hook here, reeled me in! Looking forward to the next eight!

  10. No matter what, they’re together. Love that you jump right into the story without preamble and description.

    • I thought it would be good to start it off this way. The scene where they first come into the house isn’t that important. Glad you like it.

  11. An eerie turn of plot! I’m really curious about the voice… Is it a ghost, or something even more sinister? I’m fairly certain I’d be trying to fade into the wallpaper if I were them!

  12. I’m looking forward to next week’s snippet!

    “its’ weird hexagon pattern” — like a honeycomb? Or a D&D wilderness grid?

    Lose the apostrophe, by the way:
    It’s = it is (or it has)
    its = possessive, belonging to it
    its’… doesn’t exist as far as I can tell. (Two different sites tell me that it doesn’t.)

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