Weekend Writing Warriors – Melissa and Ashley meet the mystery woman


It’s Weekend Writing Warriors time again. Thanks for spending part of your Sunday with me, and for your comments from my previous post. Today I’m continuing to share an eight from my short story, Barbecued. This eight picks up from the last line from last week.

Set-up: 18 year-old Melissa and her 16 year-old sister, Ashley, have just been trapped in a steel walled room, and are greeted by their captor.

The eight:

We immediately looked up, and saw a middle-aged woman with curly black hair staring down at us through a circular skylight. Along with her were two young girls, no older than twelve, greeting us with cynical grins.

“Who…who are you?” I asked.

“I am Emily, the owner of this house,” she announced in a deep voice.  “You must be Melissa and Ashley Murdock…you and your parents are trespassing on my property!”

My mouth dropped, and I felt my stomach flutter. “How did you know our names?”

“I knew you were coming, I’ve been monitoring you since you arrived,” the woman answered.

Shocking, no? Just so you know, Emily and her family were evicted from their house by the bank and it is being rented by vacationers. Hence, why Mel and Ashley are there. Next week, we will see what Emily has in store for the girls. Your comments are always helpful and appreciated. I look forward to reading your snippets, too. Click on the link above for the official list of participating authors. Have a wonderful Sunday!


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25 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – Melissa and Ashley meet the mystery woman

  1. That woman sounds slightly insane…

  2. The woman doesn’t inspire much confidence in me. Nice 8.

  3. historysleuth1

    Oh my, this can’t be good! I wonder what she intends to do with them? Why to keep me hanging for another week!

    (No snippet for me this week. 🙂

    • Well I’m sorry that you don’t have a snippet, but I’m glad you ask what she intends to do with them. That I will reveal in the next few snippets.

  4. Now you’ve got me. Now I want to know why she captured them. Terrific eight!

    • Well I won’t show why she has captured them, but basically she hates that her house has been used for rentals. She wants to show them that nobody is going to trespass on her property.

  5. Oh, she doesn’t sound very friendly, lovely dialogue!

  6. Well scary all the way around! Quite a riveting excerpt – well done!

  7. I know foreclosures are out of hand, but this is going a bit too far against the wrong people.

  8. What a predicament. Thank you for sharing. She doesn’t sound nice at all.
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  9. A ZILLION questions I have now! lol. Is this YA? I guess I’m looking for the core tone of the story. The premise is frightening, but could go either way. Your dialogue is goo, the room description is good. Well done 🙂

    • This is New Adult, but it could be YA. Wait until you see what’s in store for the girls. Thanks for your comments.

  10. That’s hardly fair–they didn’t evict her, after all. But crazy rarely concerns itself with fair.

    I bet Emily has plans to snag the parents, too.

  11. daezarkian

    Nice 8 — descriptive, grabs your attention, and raises plenty of questions. I like it!

  12. Whoa, curious to know what happens! Great 8!

  13. burnsmillie

    Nice job Frank. You’ve peaked my curiosity!

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