Weekend Writing Warriors – The time has come!

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Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors . I hope you’ve been intrigued by this story, now it gets a little bit scary for my heroines. I’m continuing from my last eight. While being imprisoned in a chamber, Melissa and Emily exchange insults. Fed up with Melissa’s attitude, Emily decides that it’s time to carry out her plans for the girls. Here’s the eight:

As she stared at us, her frown quickly turned into a spongy evil grin. “Melissa and Ashley,” she said softly. Her voice deepened as she snarled, “Prepare to be barbecued!”

I trembled and cringed, feeling the hair lifting on my arms. I could tell from Ashley’s sudden white face that the woman’s words made her shudder. Swinging my head from side to side, I tried to anticipate her next move. Ashley clutched my left arm, as her trembling hand sent shock waves throughout my body. Swallowing a breath, I looked up to see the woman pointing her index finger at us, her look reminding me of the witch from the Wizard of Oz.

What’s she going to do to them? Any guesses? Your comments are always helpful and appreciated. Click on the link above for the official list of participating authors. I’m also sharing this on Facebook’s Snippet Sunday Have a wonderful Sunday!

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41 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – The time has come!

  1. adriennedewolfe

    Hi, Frank. Lots of drama in such a short snippet, so it’s hard for me to tell if I’m overreacting, but my “knee jerk” while reading the first paragraph was that the imagery was trying too hard to make your point (spongy grin, said softly, voice deepened to a snarl.)

    Once I got into paragraph 2, the read was much smoother. As a reader, I started to worry about the predicament your characters were facing.

    Curious to see where this one goes! Good luck with it.

    • Yeah, I guess I tried too hard with the first part. I edited this post so many times, to be honest. I suppose I still haven’t got it right, but practice makes perfect. Glad you liked it in the end.

  2. “Prepare to be barbecued” comes across as both terrifying and funny. That one’s going to be staying with me for a while!

  3. I was certainly shocked and scared/intrigued! Excellent excerpt, how are they going to get out of this?!

    • Well, if I told you, that would be giving it away. Next week, we’ll see what’s in store for them. Thanks for your comments.

  4. I haven’t been to Sunday snippets in a while so this is pretty much new to me, but I love your voice and humor. The ladies in the second paragraph aren’t laughing, but the BBQ line was great and their fear shows clearly. I’m interested in what happens next!

    • No they wouldn’t be laughing indeed. The BBQ line gives a hint at what’s about to happen to them, but I didn’t want to give any other clues, since I don’t want to give anything away. Next week, you’ll see what happens. It’s nice to see you back on the Sunday snippets, by the way.

  5. Ohhh, that is creepy. Terrific description. My heart’s in my throat!

  6. burnsmillie

    Yikes…these girls need a spot of luck! You’ve got some nice tension building. One thing I’d think about when editing, is look at your adverbs…9 times out of 10 they are unnecessary. Or they and the verb they are paired with can be dropped and a better verb can sit in their place.

    • Yes you’re right about the adverbs. They should be used sparingly and I always feel bad when I’m caught using them improperly. Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I hope you’ll like what’s in store for them next week.

      • burnsmillie

        First drafts are messy, it’s okay : ) I always find my work littered with them too, that’s why I notice them…all set to read this week’s follow-up!

  7. sharonbuchbinder

    “her look reminding me of the witch from the Wizard of Oz” Oh excellent, how can anyone forget that look?? Holy crap! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1ZpBPYFDXI

  8. I love the threat “Prepare to be barbecued.” Not your usual scary line. Some of the rest is a bit overwritten, but you’ve already commented you see that. With your apparent sense of humor, I don’t think you’ll have any problems.

    • Thanks for your honesty. This is a first draft and I’ve got some major editing to do. Her threat is supposed to give a clue as to what is going to happen to them. Any more detail, and I’d be giving it away.

  9. Monica Enderle Pierce

    There’s some pretty scary shit about to go down, but your character is too aware of her own reaction. So you’re showing AND telling us. Just do action/dialogue: “Prepare to be barbecued!” and reaction: The hair stood up on my arms and Ashley gripped my arm. (Remember, when you’re in the midst of chaos, you don’t think, you just do.) Can’t wait to see how these girls are gonna escape. 😀

    • Thanks for your comments…it seems I messed this snippet up big time. It hasn’t been edited yet, so I’ve got some work ahead of me.

      • Monica Enderle Pierce

        Messed up? Pish. That describes every writer’s early draft. Like I said, the core of that scene is intense. You’ll get it, Frank. You always do. 🙂

      • Thanks Monica. I just feel bad since so many people are viewing it, but that’s me being a perfectionist. I’ve always appreciated your help from the beginning. And yes, I’ll get it.

      • Monica Enderle Pierce

        Perfectionism? Hon, go have a doctor remove that before it festers and ruins all your creativity. 😀

      • LOL…I will.

  10. Exciting snippet, especially liked ‘feeling the hair lifting on my arms.’ that’s a great phrase!

  11. This reminds me of the fairy tale Hansel and Gretel. Lifted the hairs on my arms. I want to see more of these two poor kids.

  12. historysleuth1

    Oh God, who doesn’t need editing. 🙂 No sweat Frank. It’s still a freaky scene! Getting the story down is the most important part. I say they should jump the old hag! Looking forward to next week.

    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

    • Thanks for that. I’m a newbie with this whole thing. I just spewed it out, and I know I’ve got work ahead of me. But yes, everybody’s gotta edit.

  13. siobhanmuir

    Frank, another good way to write the tale is to put yourself in the action. What would you do and how would you react in the same situation? The early drafts are never perfect, but they can awlays be fixed. Good tension. 🙂

    • Thanks Siobhan. I’ve put myself in this character’s situation and I would feel the same way. There’s not a whole lot she can do. This is my second story writing in first person. Thanks for your ongoing support!

  14. “barbecued”? She is definitely insane. How are the girls going to get out of there?

    • Yes she is. First we have to see what see does to them, which you will see next week. The real question is IF they are going to get out of there.

  15. I like the wicked witch image–this lady has some serious issues. I wonder how the girls are going to get out of this…

  16. I love the combination of horror and humor. Great job!

  17. Wow…what a dramatic snippet! Can’t wait to find out what happens to the girls.

  18. HI Frank, wow, Melissa and Ashely are in a pickle now! 🙂 I LOVE your choice of “barbecue”! The visual is danged scary!

    I’m so impressed with all of the great suggestions in comments. I’m taking them to heart, too. I’ve been writing for a while, but still have lots to learn.

    We’ll get it, huh? We have the hard part done–getting the story down. 🙂 All the rest is tweaking…and re-tweaking…and… lol.

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