The Ultimate Hot Foot – Weekend Writing Warriors

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Welcome to another round of Weekend Writing Warriors  and Snippet Sunday.  Thank you to everyone who commented on my last 8. I’m continuing to share snippets from my new adult horror short story, Barbecued. This eight picks up my last eight.

Set-up: Teenage sisters, Ashley and Melissa, are trapped in a steel-walled room. The floor has just turned red-hot and they are forced to endure the ultimate hot foot, since there is nothing for them to grab onto. Their captor, Emily, watches them dance through a skylight in the ceiling.

Here’s the eight:

I winced and cried out, my eyes widening at the sight of my feet slapping against the red-hot surface. Mocking squeals from above pierced me like darts, as I lifted my head to see a smirk across Emily’s face. “Look at you two pathetic weaklings dance!”

“You…sick bitch, we didn’t do anything to you!”

The ear-splitting cries of agony from Ashley took my attention away from Emily, as I turned to see my poor little sister leaping uncontrollably. Her rasping breaths and tense face made my heart crack and the color drain from my face. I felt sick to my stomach watching her suffer, as the floor steadily burned the bottoms of her feet. She turned to me with frantic eyes and shouted, “Wh-what are we gonna do?!?”

Tough question. Next week, we will see if the girls can find some way out. I will share two more snippets from this story, before I go back to sharing 8s from my novel. If you aren’t too freaked out, I invite you to comment. Many thanks for taking the time to read my 8 and for your comments. I’ll do my best to read your eight today. Click on the link above for the official list of participating authors. Have a wonderful weekend!

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57 thoughts on “The Ultimate Hot Foot – Weekend Writing Warriors

  1. What are they going to do?? It looks bad.

    You did a great job of painting this scene, Frank. Lots of action, but not a lot of gory detail. I like how you managed the focus of the scene. 🙂

    • Thank you, there isn’t as much gory stuff in this one, but next week you will see something which you might find gory.

  2. Oh no! How are they going to get out of there? Tense eight!

  3. What happens next? A cliffhanger going on here, Frank. Good eight.

  4. Fascinating and visual. The creativity of it arouses my curiosity and compels me to continue to read. Questions I have: how does the floor become red-hot? Are there heating elements in the floor? What did the girls do to piss off Emily? How did Emily get them in the room. If the floor is red hot wouldn’t that sear their feet to the floor? How long are they going to continue to dance? What happens next?

    Great hook!

    • I’m glad you have so many questions. The first two are answered in my previous snippet. The floor is made of metal and Emily is sitting next to a power switch that makes the floor hot. The floor does sear, but the girls are constantly hopping around. Emily was evicted from her home, which was then turned into a vacation rental. The girls’ parents have rented the home for a few days, and now Emily wants to show them that no one is going to invade her home. I can’t answer the rest of the questions because that would give the rest of the story away.

  5. Wow! Who is this psychopath? And why target the sisters? Random victims or something else? Great 8!

  6. Still quite an intense story going on here…terrific snippet.

  7. Theresa is right, you’ve done an excellent job with the description in this snippet. I can’t believe how intense it is. Great job!

    • Well, I’m putting myself in Melissa’s place, so this is what I would likely do in this situation. Glad you’re hooked.

  8. Emily is cold. She is watching them struggle and in pain. Nice tension. She is just as much a villain as her mom

  9. Phew. So much here. What stands out to me is the burning on the feet…for some reason, that grabbed my imagination.

    • Well I’m glad that got your attention. When reading something, I find readers get hooked by different things. I had to describe the burning sensation, because that’s what a hot floor can do.

  10. Can’t wait to see how they get out of this. Nice suspense.

  11. Really strong excerpt, Frank. Creepy and tense, as is necessary for a scene like this. Great job on this!

  12. Intense scene. Nice job!

  13. At the risk of sounding like a total psyco… maybe it’s not really hot enough. I mean, it’s hot but I feel like something is missing to be completely barbecued. Or aren’t they burned yet?

    • Interesting that you point that out. This is where the girls think they can handle the heat, but next week you will see something that will change your mind about the barbecued thing. I think you’ll like it. Thanks for your comments.

  14. What an intense scene- great snippet.
    ~Summer

  15. I feel some sympathy from people foreclosed on due to no fault of their own, but these two are taking their anger out in a way that leaves me hoping they are really going to get it.

  16. This is why I don’t read horror — you had me cringing from just reading the set up. Very creepy and tense, although it seems like Ashley is suffering more than Melissa (maybe Melissa has a higher threshhold for pain?)

    • Melissa is older and more of an athlete, that’s why she appears to be able to handle the pain. I normally don’t read horror either. I mainly write new adult romance, but someone suggested I write horror also. Sorry if I made you cringe. Thanks for your comments.

  17. Indeed! What are they going to do? To watch their agony, Emily must be something of a sadist, but when she sees her sister suffer, her heart stutters, but not quite enough.

    • Her heart doesn’t stutter enough? Gee, I guess I chose the wrong words. Sometimes I do that, but thanks for pointing that out.

  18. I spent a lot of valuable time this last week trying to figure out how your chars were gonna get off the fiery floor…and you give me this?! Frank. Dude. Don’t leave another author hangin’…. (very well done with the 8!)

    • LOL…I read so many excerpts that leave ME hanging. But isn’t it good when writing does that? Makes you wanna know more, which is what I want my readers and fellow authors to do. Thanks for your comments!

  19. Oh, wow! How horribly painful! I hope they do find a way out.

  20. Yeah, definitely something wrong in her head, to get so much enjoyment out of watching innocents suffer–they didn’t make her lose her house.

    I’m guessing because they were inside, they don’t have shoes on. That must hurt so much… o.O

    • You’re right on. And no, they’re barefoot. They had slippers on, but they took them off moments before they were dumped in the room. A scorching floor on bare feet = ouch! Thanks for your comments. BTW I plan to have Melissa make a reference to ‘the floor is made of lava’ in the story.

  21. Wow, intense! And ouch!! I want to know more. Great 8!

  22. Yikes Frank…way to makes us suffer with the girls for another whole week!

  23. burnsmillie

    Wow, way to make us suffer another whole week right along with the girls Frank…

  24. Wow! That scene made me lift my feet off the floor. Those poor girls. I hope you find a way to rescue them…

    • Oh! I didn’t think I would make you do that, I guess this is more powerful than I thought. I can’t say how they’ll get rescued yet, unfortunately they have to suffer a little more.

  25. Ooh. Ouch! Reminds me of those fairy tales where they used to make people dance in red hot iron shoes.

    Now I’m wondering how they’ll get out of this. Great snippet. 🙂

  26. historysleuth1

    Great job creeping us all out! Exactly what horror is supposed to do. How the heck are they going to get out of this?

    The only thing that jerked me out for a sec was the color draining from her face. Since it is from her perspective, she wouldn’t know that unless she had a mirror to see her own face. I’ve done that myself, and have to rethink it. But dang, you have me scared for them!

    Jeez I hope they really don’t get cooked—but good on you for keeping the reader guessing and worrying about it. Great 8!

    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

    • Yes, you’re right about the color draining from her face bit. I’m used to writing third person narrative. I can change that. I can’t say how they will get out since it would give the plot away. Thanks for your comments

  27. Wow, this is BRUTAL. And I love it. 🙂

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