Can Melissa break the pipe? – Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors  and Snippet Sunday . The rules are simple: 8 sentences, no more, no less. Post them to your website by Sunday morning and enjoy the fun.

I’m sharing a final snippet from my short story. Melissa and Ashley have been enduring what seems like an everlasting hot foot. Melissa spots a plastic pipe as she desperately tries to break it open, knowing her feet will be severely burned if she doesn’t. Ashley watches hoping water spews out as she continues to dance. Their captors above watch them – only they know the truth about the pipe. Can this save the girls?

 On with the eight:

Yanking harder on the pipe, my feet screamed from agonizing pain as I pressed them against the wall. The nauseating smell of the egg overcooking on the floor, and Ashley’s constant ouches made my head spin.

“C’mon Mel, my feet can’t take anymore of this!”

Feeling my eyes welling up with tears, I kept pulling with every aching muscle in my arms. I could no longer watch my baby sister suffer, while endlessly lifting up one foot after the other. Just as the pipe began to crack, a gust of white gas blew at me from the wall. I hacked at the blast and inhaled the fumes, which began to make me feel light-headed. My eyes got heavy as my grip on the pipe loosened.

I know you must be thinking it’s over for them. The story ends on a positive note, but because this is unpublished I can’t tell you how it ends. Your comments are most welcome and I thank you for your feedback while I’ve been sharing this story.

Next weekend, I will be attending a work-related conference in Mexico City, so I won’t be participating in next week’s session. I plan to be absent from the snippet memes until December, due to increased work commitments – I find I can only write on weekends. I will miss you all until then and appreciate your understanding.

#8Sunday

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38 thoughts on “Can Melissa break the pipe? – Weekend Writing Warriors

  1. Very intense eight, Frank. Thanks.

  2. burnsmillie

    Ah Frank! We’re going to miss you, despite the fact that you are leaving us here!

  3. at least we know it ends on a good note for the girls. nice 8 Frank

  4. SUCH an intense story! Teeny note, having the feet “scream” took me out of the moment but then you sure plunged me right back into the horror as the snippet went on. Best wishes with this one – great 8!

  5. Wow, what is going on here?! Fabulous descriptions, but so many questions!

    • I see you are new to my snippets. You would have to read the previous eights to know what’s happening. Glad you stopped by to comment.

  6. Loved the eights, Frank. Well done! Enjoy Mexico City and we’ll look forward to seeing you back on wewriwa later in the year!

  7. Yikes sounds like they’re definitely in a pickle! Nice 8!

  8. Good job, I wonder what the psycho will do now.

  9. Charmaine is correct. It’s intense and beautifully choreographed. Great job!

  10. Hmmm…sounds like breaking the pipe might not have been such a great idea after al.

  11. Great snippet 🙂 Emotional.

  12. Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory!

    I’ll have to trust you on that positive note, Frank—promise they’ll be okay? Or at least live through this?

  13. Not clear whether the gas was in the pipe or whether it was released by the watchers.

  14. I figured the puppet-master wasn’t going to let her get away with that… Their poor feet!

    Good luck with your work-stuff. 🙂

  15. What a way to leave us (pardon the pun)…hanging!! Oh man, I hope you really do mean they have a positive ending…this is too much.

    • They do have a positive ending, it may not seem that way, but it’s good when a story ends on a high note after such tension.

  16. Good luck with work and happy writing!

  17. historysleuth1

    UH! You’re killing me Frank! What a way to end it. Good for you leaving the reader wanting more. Have fun in Mexico and hope to see you in December. 🙂

  18. oddlynn3

    I love her thought process and the whole visual you present. I hope that their suffering ends and things work out for these two girls. Thanks for sharing your 8.

  19. Oh no now the gas is in his face! This is so exciting Frank!

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