Does Cammy have feelings for Ryan?

better-wewriwa

Hi and welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. It’s hard to believe this is the first W.W.W. of 2014

I’m sharing an eight from my novel, Let Go, a new adult contemporary romance. This eight continues from the scene, which I shared a few weeks ago. After Ryan meets Crush, Crush thinks Ryan and Cammy are more than just friends. Ryan denies it, but Cammy’s friend, Raz, thinks otherwise.

On with the eight:

“Dat not what it look like ta me mon,” Raz implied, patting Ryan’s shoulder and turning to Crush. “Should see de way Cammy look at dis buoy, I know de little blue birdies be flyin’ ‘round ‘er head when Ryan come by.”

“Raz, c’mon, she doesn’t have like feelings for me,” Ryan argued.

“Raz no fool mon, I know de sparkle from a ooman’s eyes. And me thinks dem blue birdies be flyin’ ‘round you when ya see Cammy.”

Ryan cringed as Crush’s mouth fell open. With both of them gazing at Ryan in awe made his knees buckle. Cammy had a watchful eye on him, as he turned to see her parting lips and slow nodding, which made his stomach quiver.

Your thoughts are welcome and always appreciated. I look forward to reading your snippets! I also hope to be more consistent with participating in W.W.W., but I cannot guarantee it. Weekends for the next two months are going to be busy (it’s when I usually ski and snowshoe). Click on the link above for the official list of participating authors.

#8Sunday

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26 thoughts on “Does Cammy have feelings for Ryan?

  1. Great dialogue exchange, i enjoyed the language, it added character to the scene and brought it alive.

  2. You’ve done a great job with the accent. I’m impressed!

  3. Wow, normally I can’t make myself read dialogue done in accents but I have to say you captured the character and made his accent a seamless part of the story for me. Terrific!

    • Foreign accents are a talent of mine. I can mimic them just by hearing them. I’m an English teacher and I notice this when my students make errors. It’s just like you: you have such a talent with Ancient Egypt.

  4. burnsmillie

    Ya mon, everybody’s irie (Not sure how that’s spelled). Fun verbal exchange Frank, nice to see you back!

    • I researched the ‘irie’ bit. That’s the correct way. I’m glad to be back, but not sure if I can keep it up.

  5. jahornbuckle

    Good use of the eights and the accent of Raz was captured perfectly! Well done, Frank.

  6. Nice rhythm to the eight. You’ve captured the the speech so well. Consider deleting the word ‘with’ at the beginning of one of the last sentences helping it to make more sense. Also the word ‘which’- using instead ‘made his stomach quiver.’ Just a suggestion to polish a very good eight.

    • Thanks for your suggestions. So many times I screw things like this up. Descriptions are hard for me and I kick myself when I can’t find the right words or clauses to make the sentence work.

  7. It’s sometimes more obvious to an outsider.

  8. lol! Very visual, and a whole lot of fun. Sure hope you post some more, Frank 🙂

  9. I love it. Sounds like she does indeed have feelings for him.

  10. chellecordero

    Crush’s accent sounded truly authentic and lent a lot of flavor to the scene. I was confused by “With both of them gazing at Ryan in awe made his knees buckle.” and wondered if that was the creative punctuation or not.

  11. That is quite an embarrassing conversation to be having in front of your friend or crush. I would be so red I’d glow in the dark! o.o
    Nice job of conveying that emotion!

    I think there’s something missing from this sentence, though–“With both of them gazing at Ryan in awe made his knees buckle.” It doesn’t quite make sense.

    • Ryan has his knees buckle, only because he doesn’t feel the same about her. He feels as if he’s on the spot. Thanks for pointing that out.

      • I’m not sure if I was clear, sorry. The meaning of the sentence makes sense–it’s a nice image or your body betraying your nervousness–but there’s something a little off in the grammar.

        “Both of them gazing at Ryan in awe made his knees buckle.”
        “With both of them gazing at Ryan in awe[, he felt] his knees buckle.”

  12. I like how you’ve infused the Islands accent! Nicely done, Frank! 🙂

  13. haha boys never notice that kind of thing, lucky that Raz is around.

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