Weekend Writing Warriors – Is Melissa Losing It?

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It’s Weekend Writing Warriors time, where writers gather share wonderfully crafted snippets every Sunday. As I’m half Irish, I’d like to say Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Although, I just think it’s an excuse to get wasted while wearing green, but I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.

Thanks so much for stopping by to read my eight sentences. Today, I’m continuing from my YA horror, The Burning Night. This eight picks up from the last line of my previous eight.

My heroines, Melissa and her sister Ashley meet each other in the basement of a rented country house. Ashley wants to know why Melissa has ignored the sign about the no shoes ban (she feels that they’re in someone else’s home) However, Melissa isn’t concerned about some sign. She’s the first to speak.

On with the eight:

“I, like, called you from upstairs, didn’t you hear me?”

Stretching her legs out of the coffee table, she stared at me for a moment then shrugged. “I was listenin’ to Katy Perry on my iPhone…guess I didn’t.”

My mouth dropped open as I held out my arms, giving her a black-layered look.

“What the hell’s your problem, Mel?”

“This house is possessed that’s what!”   

She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh Melissa Lauren Murdock, you’re just bein’, like, so delusional…just chill and come sit down with me.”

I think Ashley’s the one being delusional. Too bad she doesn’t know how right her sister is. I’d love to know what you think. There will be more next week. Enjoy your St. Paddy’s Day weekend and don’t forget to visit Weekend Writing Warrior’s site for the complete list of participating writers. 

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23 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – Is Melissa Losing It?

  1. Wow–nice job–I can picture those two talking to each other. I agree about Ashley.

  2. Feels very real. I don’t usually read stories with teenager MCs but your girls are pretty engaging! Now I’m worrying what’s coming next week.

  3. Great scene loads of character! These two are fun!

  4. Like, totally! 🙂

    The bickering here sounds completely natural—and I’m still on the edge of my seat, here!

  5. Their slang is so real 🙂 Good story premise. Ashley had better get on the ball! The only thing that jumped out at me (and maybe it’s only me) was this: “Stretching her legs out of the coffee table…” I think it might sound better (and give a better visual) if you took out the words “of the” and replaced them with either “under” or “beneath”.

    I can’t wait to read more of this!

    Oh, not sure where you are but I know you like winter. Are you in the path of tonight’s storm? 🙂 We’re ready for spring– and smiling today because the storm is passing south of us, just south. A little shift and we could get get snow from it.

    Éirinn go Brách!

    • Glad you liked it and thanks for pointing out that typo – I meant to say ‘Stretching her legs on the coffee table’. I’m sure more people will notice that. I’m in Ontario, and we’re not expecting a storm. I’m not sure where you are, but I suppose a storm is heading there. I haven’t checked the weather.

  6. Nice interaction between the sisters. Fun snippet!

  7. Would she want her sister sitting next to her?

  8. A very ominous house they’re in so I’m braced for what comes next. Great snippet!

  9. siobhanmuir

    Love the teenage disdain, Frank. Nicely done. 🙂

  10. burnsmillie

    Some kids sure do like to use the word like : ) I don’t think they’re gonna like much pretty soon!

    • Yes they do, it’s almost as if they use it out of laziness. And no, they’re not gonna like much soon indeed.

  11. Oh, no, not the full name! You know family means business when they use that.

    Ashley does have a point–rental property belongs to someone. Does she say that in the story somewhere?

    Still those stairs… o.O

  12. I would totally believe her but I guess it’s easier to call her delusional.

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