Weekend Writing Warriors – Possessed House


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Greetings all and welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, a great place to meet writers, while sharing bits of your stories. I’m glad you’ve taken some time out of your day to read my snippet. Continuing from my YA horror novella, The Burning Night, I’ve decided to skip a few lines in the story.

Set-up: After hearing that spooky voice, Melissa needs to find her younger sister, post-haste (Ashley gets scared easily) and hurries downstairs into the kitchen. She calls Ashley’s name, but doesn’t get any response, which makes her even more worried. More weirdness of the house kicks in when she notices the stove cooktop that has switched on by itself.

The Eight:

 

The uncomfortable silence made my stomach churn and my heart started thumping hard – so hard I thought it was going to burst through my chest. Sucking in a breath, I uttered, “Oh my God!”

My muscles tightened, thinking about what Mom and Dad would say if they knew their baby girl was missing. “Ashley Joanne Murdock, where are you?!?”

I pressed one hand over my chest by my heart, hoping the beat would slow down. Moving into the kitchen, I tried to think where Ashley could have been and why she wasn’t answering. From the corner of my eye, I saw one of the ceramic cooktops emitting a bright glow on the stove. My mouth dropped as I approached it, and then stopped in mid-stride when I noticed that the temperature knobs weren’t even switched on.

 

I’ve been pondering whether the cooktop bit is feasible or not. Perhaps I need to use something different? I suppose that’s why I’m posting this 8. Thoughts and feedback are always helpful.

I’m happy I’m still participating, even though work and teaching duties are piling up. W.W.W. is a good way for me to maintain my ‘sanity’.

Click on the above link for the list of participating authors. Guidelines can also be found on the website, so you’ll know exactly how to participate – it’s easier than you think!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

#8Sunday

 

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40 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – Possessed House

  1. Mysterious!! More 🙂

  2. Cook top on is very good.Foreshadows of more heat.

  3. Great excerpt, Frank! I like the cooktop bit. Whether or not you change it depends, I think, on what’s possible in this world. How would the cooktop get turned on if the knobs are all off? If you have a plausible reason, I say go for it 🙂

    Also, since the story is in present tense, maybe have “where Ashley could be” instead of “where Ashley could have been”. I’m loving this story!

  4. Stranger things have happened in real life. Don’t let the stove top alter your pace. Keep on writing!

  5. Anything is feasible when magic’s afoot. I seem to remember from earlier snippets that there are witches involved? This is nice foreshadowing and her physical reaction is very well done.

  6. burnsmillie

    I see how the stove is foreshadowing…did the evil ladies have it rigged? And would they want to tip off the sisters to something strange?

  7. I don’t see why the stove wouldn’t work if they rigged it before hand 🙂

  8. Oh wow, this eight was intriguing. Loved it!

  9. siobhanmuir

    Oh, man, that’s so creepy. Great snippet, Frank. 😀

  10. I wouldn’t change anything, Frank! This is spooky. 🙂

    We’re glad you’re still finding time to hang out with us on Sundays! ‘Sanity’ it is. 🙂

  11. I like it! The spooky rings glowing with impossible heat. Excellent snippet Frank!

  12. The stove being on is creepy enough, but that’s a great touch that it’s heating up without the knobs being turned!

  13. I think it’s feasible, especially when the readers hit that one “hotfoot” scene. If the Big Bad can do that, turning on a stove (or rigging the light) isn’t a stretch at all!

  14. Gem

    Very nice pacing as the story progresses. I agree with Sarah. I remember the “hotfoot” scene and the stove top kind of links them.

  15. Definitely some spectacular spooking going on. Of course, when someone puts so much effort into scaring someone, I always wonder why. It usually means they don’t have as much power as they’d like…

  16. Creepy, creepy. I didn’t wonder about the cooktop until you mentioned it. I would remove start in the first sentence to bring reader closer, but that’s just me. Fab story!

    • That’s a good suggestion, and don’t feel bad for bringing it up. I like it when someone sees something others don’t.

  17. Christina Ochs

    This just keeps getting creepier. The cooktop bit didn’t slow me down at all (and looks like the possibilities have been addressed already in other comments). At this point, it seems reasonable to have creepy, unexplained things floating around, unresolved. 🙂

    • Thanks for that Christina. Most of the participants have read what happens later, so they kind of know what’s coming.

  18. Monica Enderle Pierce

    I agree with everyone else. The stove is creepy, the missing sister is creepy. I’m waiting for someone or something to scare the bejeesus outta her (and me). Great 8, Frank!

  19. That was a scary snippet, Frank. The cooktop thing works for me.

  20. The cooktop only suggested rewiring to me

  21. I can feel the tension of a girl gone missing. Well done.

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