Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Is Melissa Lying?

better-wewriwa

Good day everyone and welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. A special welcome to those who are new to this wonderful blog hop. A round of midterms are looming this week for me, but somehow I’ve found the time to share a snippet from my YA horror novella, The Burning Night. I’m skipping a couple of scenes to a part, which I think is kind of interested. Some of you will remember the setting of this scene, but this 8 is new to the story.

Set-up: Melissa finds her younger sister, Ashley watching TV in the basement of the country house, rented by their parents. Melissa has told Ashley about everything that happened in her room and kitchen (spooky voices and the dart), but Ashley thinks Melissa is making the whole thing up. Melissa is the first to speak.

*I’ve edited the punctuation in order to meet the 8 sentence limit.

The eight:

“A-ashley, I’m not lyin’, really this voice-”

Ashley jumped to her feet. “Stop it Melissa, just stop it! Look, I know you hate this house, but don’t, like, make dumb shit up! God, I can’t believe you’d think I’d fall for that, grow up!!”

Her sharp, thunderous voice cut through my heart, and I never felt so alone in my life. Ever since I woke up this morning, everyone had turned on me – my mother, my father and now my little sister. My legs got weak as I clutched my stomach and dropped to my knees.

Too bad Ashley doesn’t know how wrong she is. I think I’d be feeling alone and hurt if I were Melissa. I’ll continue from this next week, and I hope you will all be around to see it. I value your feedback as it always helps me with revising.

In other news, I’m settled in my new home and it actually feels like it’s my home. I hope I’ll get to know everyone in the community and find a sense of belonging. Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadian participants!

Visit Weekend Writing Warriors for the complete list of participating authors. See you next week!

Frank

Categories: Weekend Writing Warriors | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Post navigation

38 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Is Melissa Lying?

  1. An emotional snippet!

  2. Christina Ochs

    Poor Melissa! To go through all that and then get that kind of response from Ashley. Sometimes sisters are a pain. 🙂 Glad to see they’re both still alive, though!

    • Sisters can be a pain, but it’s even more painful when one doesn’t believe the other – especially when she’s telling the truth.

  3. Everyone’s being harsh on her but why has she dropped to her knees clutching her stomach? Looking forward to next week!

  4. Beautiful, Frank. There’s a depth of emotion written that’s different from your other snippets.
    Happy to know you’re settled in YOUR own place.

  5. Great dialogue. I can understand why Ashley doesn’t believe her. I’m sure her blissful ignorance won’t last long!

  6. I like Ashley’s reaction; we’re not sure if it’s a sisterly thing she’s taking too far or if something else much bigger is going on. That’s some great tension building!

    I do wonder though at Melissa’s strong physical reaction. I could understand her backing up and maybe even running out of the room, but it seems kind of over the top to clutch her stomach and fall to her knees. Am really curious what you’re going to follow this up with!

    And congrats on getting settled in. The town will feel like home too pretty soon, I’m sure. 🙂

  7. burnsmillie

    Ah, this is just not gonna be her day…pretty soon she’ll wish she is truly alone.

  8. Ohhh well you know I’ll be back! I’ll be thinking about that all week, you tease 😀

  9. Glad to hear the new home is working out so well! Easier to write when person has a cozy place to live. Enjoyed the excerpt, poor Melissa. More bad things to come!

  10. Wow, I think this is the second time we are seeing Melissa have such an emotional reaction. I’m wondering how she is going to deal with everyone turning on her. 😦 Great eight! 🙂

  11. Ouch! It’s terrible to be disbelieved. There’s always “I told you so” later…

  12. First, congrats on the new digs. It always feels so good once you finally get settled in and it starts to feel like home.

    Not being believed when something major happens to you is a terrible thing. She’s already got to be thinking she’s going crazy, and to have the people closest to her doubt her must be devastating.

  13. It’s always so hard when no one will believe you. Great 8.
    Tweeted

  14. Excellent snippet—I was wondering when Melissa would snap.

  15. Poor Melissa.

  16. Nice snippet Frank. I especially like this : Her sharp, thunderous voice cut through my heart, and I never felt so alone in my life.

  17. I get the real sense of abandonment…isolation…nice snippet

  18. A lot of emotion in this snippet. Great snippet.

  19. Gem

    Her apparent isolation is very disturbing. I can feel her anxiety and pain. Well done.

  20. Great 8! Her pain come through clearly. Well done!
    My only suggestion would be to change “thunderous”. To me that means Ashley’s voice echoes through the room, is louder than anticipated. It takes away from the sharp cut of her voice. As always, just a suggestion;).

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: