Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – The Mice Meet the Cat

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The days appear to be getting colder and colder. I don’t know what it is, but November always seems to drag on. Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. Click on the link to read other snippets from diverse authors.

I’m continuing to share snippets from my YA horror, The Burning Night.

Set-up: Melissa and Ashley are trapped in a strange room, which is scaring Ashley. Melissa tries to calm her sister down when they discover they are not alone.

The Eight:

 

I pulled Ashley towards me and shook her.

“Listen to me,” I said, staring into her eyes. “I’ll get us out of here, I promise!”

“Forget it, kid, there’s no way out,” a female voice barked from above as I nearly jumped out of my skin. We looked up at the ceiling as a middle-aged woman with curly black hair stared down at us through a circular skylight. She was sandwiched between two young women with raven black hair, both of them gazing at us with intimidating grins. They couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.

The woman locked her eyes on me and said, “Welcome…Melissa Murdock.”

 

Wow, what a creepy woman! I’ll share more next week. I’d love to know your thoughts as they help me in the editing process. Enjoy your Sunday however you choose to do so.

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32 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – The Mice Meet the Cat

  1. Ugh, she IS creepy! And what’s with the younger witchy types? And where the heck are they? Love how you’re just dragging them from one problem to another!

  2. I don’t see this ending well. They’re 3 against 2 and they’re trapped…

  3. Great imagery, what a creepy scene!

  4. Great snippet. Creepy and the last sentence may indicate that it is personal, which is scary. Fabulous job.

    • It is personal. She explains it and the whole spookiness of the house begins to make sense. I just can’t reveal that at this point because the story isn’t published.

  5. VERY creepy….I like the way you keep amping up the tension. Another excellent excerpt from this very spooky story!

  6. No Way Out scares me, Frank.Terrific snippet.

  7. This snippet winds up the tension n your stomach…well done 🙂

  8. siobhanmuir

    Oh man, she knows her name. Eep. Great snippet, Frank. 🙂

  9. Liked, G+’d, Tweeted, & Pinned.
    I liked the first two lines best.

  10. I liked it. I loved the hook at the end.

  11. And she knows who they are

  12. Oy! Truly creepy scene, Frank. 🙂 Good job conveying that.

    Nice to see you here again!

    • It’s nice to be back, thanks for mentioning me on Twitter.
      This is creepy, and you know what’s going to happen to them next, wink wink, nudge nudge.

  13. After all these snippets, I have a single burning question (and a lot of little ones, but I’m on a dramatic roll, here):

    WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!

    And I will gladly read this book from title to The End to find out. 🙂

  14. Creepy Scene. Great Job!

  15. Creepy ladies!

    Something to think about for the story as a whole–there’s a lot of people looking at each other: “staring into her eyes… looked up… stared down… gazing at us… locked her eyes on me…”

    • It seems like a lot of looking at each other. I can trim it down, but not too much. Otherwise the reader won’t know what’s happening.

  16. Oh, I like the new character already. She is going to be exciting, I can tell. I’m a little worried for Mel and her sister, can’t wait to see what happens. 🙂

    • She brings excitement, but she’s a mean one. You should be worried for Mel and Ashley. It won’t be a pretty sight.

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