Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Attack a Man’s Heart

better-wewriwa

Good morning and welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. Click on the link for the list of today’s participating authors. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up joining the fun! More from The Burning Night this week. I’m skipping a little further from last week’s eight.

Set-up: We learned last week that Melissa and Ashley are being held prisoners by a family of women – Emily and her daughters, Sandra and Ally. Emily has just explained that Melissa and Ashley’s father expelled her daughters from high school, and now she wants to repay the favor. Ashley doesn’t see the point of being imprisoned and she lets them know.

The eight (with some creative punctuation):

 

Ashley rolled her eyes, snorted and boomed, “You cows are, like, so pathetic…if our dad did anything to you, then go to him instead of keepin’ us prisoners!”

Typical Ashley, always mouthing off at people bigger, even tougher than her. Sometimes her big mouth got her in hot lava at school, and then I’d have to bail her out. The faces on all three of the women tightened, and looked as if they wanted to strangle Ashley – thank God for that glass. I winced as Emily glared at my sister with fiery eyes.

“Oh my tenacious teenager, so much you don’t understand! It’s better to attack a man’s heart – the ones he cares about the most…like his two daughters.”

An uncomfortable feeling suddenly seared in my stomach.

 

Melissa isn’t taking Emily lightly. She knows she and Ashley are in deep trouble. I think Ashley will soon say, “Me and my big mouth!”

I know many of you want to know more about the history between Emily and Melissa’s father, but that would give away too much. As this isn’t published, I can only give away so much meat. You’ll just have to wait until this comes out.

More from this next week. Well, what do you think?

Have fun today everyone and thanks for visiting my site!

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32 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Attack a Man’s Heart

  1. Sooooo tense. Great snippet.

  2. Ashley does have a big mouth! Not only because she’s setting them for more trouble, but isn’t she worried about her father and Emily harming him? Looking forward to more!

  3. Wow Frank, this story just got beyond intriguing. I’ve never read about the sisters dad before, so now I’m thinking either he broke this woman’s heart or that he is a terrible man in general. Huh, Mel and her sister seem like they have good reason for alarm. Can’t wait to read next week’s. Great eight!

  4. Now we know why they are being held. And what a hard lesson to learn– I LOVE this line, Frank: ” It’s better to attack a man’s heart – the ones he cares about the most…like his two daughters.” Wonderful! 🙂

  5. Just a great excerpt, Frank. We’ve all heard of people who go over the edge over some slight. I think this is an especially poignant story because of all the school shootings; makes me worry about Melissa and Ashley even more, even though they’re fictional! Superb job making those two realistic.

  6. Ashley is definitely one of those people who doesn’t realize it’s far better to stay quiet at certain times!

  7. Glad we know who’s attacking them and why- not that it makes their situation any less alarming. I really want to meet the dad now.

  8. Oh so nice to have some understanding on why these ladies are so crazy…though it still seems really over the top : ) Psychos!!!!

  9. Excellent writing and wonderful eight.

  10. Interesting snippet. Looking forward to next week’s. 🙂

  11. Ah, the plot thickens! Now I want to know how Dad is going to get them out of this without giving in to the evil lady. Great snippet!

  12. I’ve seen this strike at the loved ones strategy a lot of places. And every time, it strikes me as wrong. How does punishing the innocent make things better? It doesn’t!

    I think it should be “Sometimes her big mouth got (her) in hot lava,” though.

  13. I don’t think I knew the backstory before so a big piece of the puzzle just went *click* for me – excellent excerpt!

    • The backstory contains vital info, but given what these women do to the girls it’s good to know why. Still doesn’t make it right.

  14. And THIS is why I quit teaching HS English. Teenagers are INSANE! Nice 8!

  15. You’re doing a great job racking up the tension. If Melissa is used to getting her sister out of trouble, why doesn’t she stop Ashley from speaking? Great 8.

  16. Gem

    Yes, teenagers ARE insane. And you’ve captured their insanity perfectly.

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