Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Bad Things Are Coming

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It’s Weekend Writing Warriors time. Only a few more days until Thanksgiving. I hope it will be great for you all. I’ve never been much of a fan of turkey. We pick up where we left off from my YA horror, The Burning Night.

Set-up: Melissa and Ashley are trapped in a room under the watchful eye of Emily and her two daughters. Ashley isn’t taking the threat of Emily seriously. Melissa, however, is really concerned, especially when Emily reveals her intentions to hurt the girls.

The eight:

“What a shame,” Emily cooed, shaking her head slowly. “Kevin has such beautiful, healthy girls…and now I have to hurt them.”

Ashley rolled her eyes, snorted and pawed the air. It just wasn’t sinking into her head about the potential danger of these women – who knew what they were capable of? My hands began to shake like crazy at the thought of Emily’s plan for us. I studied the room that confined us, but I didn’t notice anything of potential harm, which only scared me further.

“Wh-what are you g-gonna do with us?” I asked Emily.

She looked at me with soft grin, and replied, “That would ruin the surprise, my sweet little child.”

 

Note: Kevin is the name of Melissa’s father.

What a scary situation. Emily is definitely pretentious as well as sinister. The truth is, she and her kids enjoy torturing people. Hard to tell at this point what’s going to happen to the girls (though some of you already know that). You’ll find out soon enough. I’d love to get your feedback on this.

I will do the best to read your snippets today, but I can’t guarantee I’ll get to all of them so I do apologize in advance. I am currently basking in the bustling metropolis of New York City, visiting my cousins in Manhattan. I’ll be out and about today, hence why it will take me awhile to read everyone’s snippets. I will also be absent from W.W.W. next week.

Take care and happy thanksgiving to all!

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26 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Bad Things Are Coming

  1. You’ve done a great job at portraying Melissa’s fear. I’m curious to find out why Ashley doesn’t believe there’s any danger.
    Have a great time in New York! I love that city;).

  2. Poor Ashley, she’s going to get the worst of this in a sense because she’s not taking it seriously. I like that. It seems realistic that at least one of the girls would think Emily is bluffing; teenagers often don’t believe seriously bad things will happen to them.

    One phrase does stick out a bit to me: “I didn’t notice anything of potential harm”, which sounds maybe a bit too adult for Melissa’s age, and especially in the situation. If she’s scared enough to speak in stutters, I think her thoughts would be similarly jumpy. IMHO her thoughts should be pretty close to what she says out loud, just smoothed a little bit for readers.

    I gotta say though, I’m enjoying this! You have a spooky feel in all the excerpts. Am looking forward to what’s next. And a very Happy Thanksgiving to you, Frank.

  3. Girls are way scarier than boys. They’ll manipulate and terrorize you in ways you can’t even imagine. Well done.

  4. Maybe ignorance (or denial) is bliss, in Ashley’s case? Can’t decide. Great job in creating a truly creep-tastic villain in Emily!

  5. Creepy scene, these girls are in a lot of trouble!

  6. Well done and I totally agree with Marcia. A simple tweak. Remember they are teens.
    New York, New York, it’s a wonderful town. I live very near the big city. Happy Holiday.

    • I’ve made the change. I forget how teens talk sometimes. I’m staying with my one cousin in East Village. Great city, but I wouldn’t wanna live here.

  7. So Emily knows the girls’ father? That’s interesting!

    I’m loving this story, Frank, as usual. 🙂

  8. Ooh! That Emily is something else. I am really liking this story, it’s so twisted! 🙂 I know what you mean. I’m trying to get to everyone also, but I also had to rake up the leaves in my front and back yard before we went below freezing again.

  9. Oh, that last comment is extra creepy! *shudder*

    Ashely’s actions–the “snorted and pawed the air” bit– would make me think she was a horse if I didn’t know better, though.

  10. Emily and her daughters really re twisted people! Knowing what’s coming makes this all the more creepy. Happy holidays and I always enjoy reading your snippets (shivery though the story may be)!

  11. burnsmillie

    Sounds like you’ve fixed the things I would’ve changed, so you shoulder old to go Frank : )

  12. chellecordero

    That Emily is definitely creepy. I’m worried for the girls/

  13. Oh man, you’ve done a great job of writing Emily as creepy–and you’re just getting started! Wonderful 8, Frank. 🙂

    Enjoy your Thanksgiving break. Are you going to see the Macy’s parade? I’ve always wonted to do that. It’s on my bucket list. 🙂

    We’ll miss ya next week. Safe travels!

  14. Yikes! Definitely something to be said for the anticipation being creepier than knowing. *shudders.* Thanks for sharing this, I guess, good to see you again. 😉

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