Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Prepare Yourselves!

better-wewriwa

December already. Christmas is looming and I hope you’re all getting your shopping done. It’s been a wet weekend here in northern Kentucky. Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. A great place to meet talented writers, while getting feedback on your stories. I’m offering an 8 from The Burning Night. 

Set-up: Melissa and Ashley are trapped in a room under the watchful eye of Emily and her two daughters, Sandra and Ally. Emily insults Melissa and Ashley’s father, when Ashley decides she’s heard enough (she’s very fond of her dad). She speaks first as she gives Emily an earful.

The eight (modified from the original to fit the 8-sentence rule):

 

“Go to hell you whore and leave our dad alone, let us outta here, or I’ll come up there and kick your-”

Emily slammed one hand on the skylight glass and roared, “I’ve had enough of your mouth, young lady, if I were your mother, I’d slap your face!”

She rubbed her palms and an evil grin stretched across her face like the witch from The Wizard of Oz. “Ashley and Melissa Murdock…your time has come!”

Ashley and I looked at each other and grimaced, while the hair on my arms lifted.

“Prepare yourselves for the hot foot to wipe out all hot feet,” Emily said with an icy voice.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and I didn’t even know what a ‘hot foot’ was.

“Sandy,” Emily said, turning to her right, “switch it on!”

 

That can’t be good for the poor teens. Next week you’ll see what Sandra switches on. As always, I value your feedback. I look forward to reading your snippets.

I’d like to send a shout-out to all the NaNoWriMo participants – Well done on your hard work!

 

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33 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Prepare Yourselves!

  1. Made my skin crawl from the ‘evil coming soon’ witch. Good eight, Frank. Well done.

  2. Wow, the room is heating up and I can definitely see the anger coming from the girls. Great snippet! Isn’t it scary, USPS just knocked on my door to deliver a package I ordered for the kids. I had no idea they worked on Sunday!!! At least it won’t arrive while they are here.

    • Oh the room is heating up alright! You will see how next week. I didn’t know USPS worked on sundays either.

  3. Is this a continuation of the two sisters and the burning room? I’m definitely curious about why Emily hates the two sisters so much. I’ve noticed villains often act on misplaced rage, so I’m wondering what her motivation is. It doesn’t sound good for them 😦 I wonder how they are going to escape, especially with charred feet D:

    • Yes, this the same story. I shared snippets that explain her motivation. Basically its vengeance against the girls father. I can’t say how they will escape, but it won’t be without harsh burns on their feet.

  4. Your villainness is so believably demented…raises goosebumps on my arms for sure. Great snippet!

  5. Oh, this does not bode well for the teens. You have me curious.

  6. burnsmillie

    She’s a super freak Frank. I know how bad this is gonna get! I’m freaking for the girls.

  7. You’ve certainly created a convincing villain. I remember what comes next from earlier posts and it is super creepy- but in a good way. Great snippet.

  8. I know they’re teens, and these women are being disturbing… but that swearing streak was probably not a good idea.

  9. I know this scene! If was really effective before, but since you said you’d edited it a bit, I can’t wait to see the changes! 🙂

  10. That sounds really foreboding! They’re probably already regretting having mouthed off.

  11. Fantastic, Frank! I remember this scene, too. Your writing is becoming more and more polished. 🙂 I’ll be back next week!

    • I figured you would. Thank you so much for your feedback. I had an earlier comment from someone suggesting I give them ballet shoes to wear. That would make the torture less plausible.

  12. Another strong snippet, creepy and scary. Great job.

  13. chellecordero

    Emily is a sadistic … witch. I imagine the floor is going to heat or something. Scary stuff, has me worried for the girls. Great 8.

  14. Uh oh. I don’t know what a hot foot is, but it doesn’t sound like fun. I swear you make me worry more and more each week. Good job!

  15. Great snippet…..villains we can hate!

  16. so not liking the villain 🙂 – which is a good thing – evil coming soon – just scary – just plain scary!

  17. I wish the girls weren’t angry. They’re attitude isn’t going to help them to get out.

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