Weekend Writing Warriors/#8sunday – “Mommy’s Here”

better-wewriwa

This is Weekend Writing Warriors, the weekly snippet-sharing blog hop. Go to the website for the list of participating authors. Today is also my birthday! My fourth in the United States, and I’m celebrating it with my surfing club. I won’t tell you how old I am, though.

I’m offering another snippet from The Burning Night. This is an earlier scene from the previous snippets. Here, Melissa’s mother comes into her room and informs her that she and Melissa’s dad will be going out for the evening, leaving Melissa with her sister, Ashley. This is in Melissa’s POV.

A waft of perfume floated across the room. Estee Lauder. It had to be. It was her favorite.

“OK, have fun,” I deadpanned. She pushed my hair away from my face. A tingling of peace raced through me as her fingers trailed down my cheek.

“Come on sweetie, what’s really bothering you?”

“I’m…really scared, Mom. Somethin’ about this place, like, creeps me out, I…I dunno what it is.”

Too bad her mother thinks it’s all in Melissa’s head. You kinda feel for Melissa at this point. Well what works, what doesn’t? Thanks for visiting my blog. I probably won’t get to commenting until tonight, given my busy day today.

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38 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8sunday – “Mommy’s Here”

  1. HAppy Birthday, Frank! I hope you have a great day today!

    I like the deatil of the perfume scent and the feelings having her mom near evoques. It’s a shame her mom doesn’t take her seriously! Nice snippet, Frank!

  2. Gem

    Great scene and very believable snippet. Mom’s touch quieting her feelings of anxiety was a nice detail. (Happy Birthday, wishing you many more and a good time today.)

  3. Lovely scene using many senses so well. The Mom is self involved and doesn’t have a clue what’s troubling the creeped-out daughter.
    As for birthdays, my friend, surf away and live to surf many more. You are a terrific guy!

    • Her mom should be more considerate. Thanks for the comment and wishes. You are a terrific woman!

  4. Happy Birthday! You’ve done a great job showing Melissa’s feelings of foreboding, momentarily soothed by Mom’s touch.

  5. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!

    The Estee Lauder detail is perfect – it’s fragrance makes me think of my mothers and smell is a powerful link. Great snippet.

  6. Wishing you the best birthday ever–so far!

    I like to play devil’s advocate–mom thinking that Melissa’s fear is all in her head seems at odds with a relationship where a simple touch from Mom fills Melissa with peace. If a mere touch can make her feel like that, Mom must have shown that she cares about Melissa–so why doesn’t she believe her when Melissa says “I’m really scared?”

    You may explain this in the full chapters; it just strikes me, in a short excerpt like this. Glad you’re still posting from this story!

    • Her mom cares, but she doesn’t find anything wrong with the house. She also thinks Melissa is being a typical teen. Thanks for the comment and the wishes.

  7. Happy, happy birthday, Frank! I hope your day is wonderful, and that this new year of your life (no matter which year it is 😉 ) is full of life’s best blessings. 🙂

    Your snippet made me want to yell, “Nooooooo!!!! Stay home. Don’t leave them alone…”

    • I was thinking the same thing. Leaving them alone is a big mistake. Thanks for the comment and wishes! I hope it’s a great year too!

  8. Happy Birthday!

    I love how Melissa’s worries aren’t taken seriously by the other characters . . .until they really, really are. 😀

  9. Happy birthday Frank! I love this snippet — a tingling of peace — great!

  10. Happy Birthday! Nice job of drawing us into the scene with the perfume and then creating conflicting emotions of comfort and unease.

  11. Too bad she didn’t trust her gut! I think it should be “tingle of peace,” not “tingling,” though.

    Happy birthday! 😀

  12. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Very believable conversation between mother and child.
    Hope you have a wonderful birthday!!

  13. The perfume detail was excellent and wow, I wish her Mom had listened to Melissa! Have a very happy birthday!

  14. The most vivid part of this for me was the tingles of peace.

    Happy fourth US birthday, as well. I’ll soon be celebrating my 28th US birthday, after moving here from Canada like you (BC Rockies). Man, that makes me feel old.

  15. I loved the “tingling of peace” Nice eight.

  16. Great scene. So realistic.

  17. chellecordero

    Happy Birthday… ok, I promise not to sing.
    Like many adults, a child’s emergencies and concerns are not considered as important. Have a feeling this time those feelings are right on. Great snippet.

  18. Happy Birthday!!!! Sorry I’m late, my stepson was visiting yesterday. Anyhow, I love Estee Lauder also. Nice touch and good that Moms around b/c that place sure is creepy.

  19. Belated Happy Birthday, Frank (like yours, yesterday was an eventful day for me). Hope you enjoyed yourself.

    It’s hard for any person, loving parent or complete stranger, to understand an unease that can’t be seen or shared in experience. I’m sure Melissa’s mom doesn’t want her daughter scared. But… I have a feeling it’s going to be more than just a little creepy once they’re gone.

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