Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Do What Mother Says

The 8-10 sentence blog hop is hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Click on the link if you want to see the official list of participating writers. More from The Burning Night, a YA horror novella.

This snippet features the last scene between Melissa and her mother (before the scariness in the house begins). This has been edited from the original in order to meet the sentence limit. Melissa’s mom asks her daughter to spend some time with Ashley. She speaks first, asking Melissa to watch over her while she and her husband go out for the evening.

“And keep an eye on her…you know, just in case.”

Anything else, Mom? Want me to read her a bedtime story, too? She always worried about Ashley whenever she was out with friends or anywhere she and Dad couldn’t watch her. I guess it was mostly because Ashley had low blood pressure and got cold easily, but I knew how to handle it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.”

“And put some socks on when you go downstairs, I don’t want you walking around in your bare feet.”

I grunted heavily with a roll of my eyes.

“I mean it, young lady! Don’t disobey me, or I will ground you.”

If you thought her mother was in on what happens later, this proves she isn’t. Given what lies ahead, her mom should’ve said ‘put on some asbestos socks.’

I’d love to hear from you regarding this snippet. This will be the last time I participate with Weekend Writing Warriors until the end of August. It’s finally vacation time for me and I will be going to Florida for a month and a half with some friends. I’ll be editing this story during that time. I will likely be back on W.W.W. in September. I’ll miss you all! Have fun today, whatever your plans are.

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29 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Do What Mother Says

  1. Hmmm…in this snippet she seems like a normal enough mom. I wonder what happens to her?? You’ve got me guessing, Frank! Nicely done!

    • I guess you’ll have to read the story to find out what happens to her. Thanks for your comments!

  2. Ah, I sense a little sibling jealousy. Frank, you do a great job with keeping your characters personalities going. This scene is totally believable. Great work!

  3. Enjoy your break, Frank. See you in September! Edit up a storm.

  4. When will this be released, Frank? I want to read the rest of it! 🙂

    • I don’t know. I haven’t decided if I’ll self publish or send it to a traditional publisher. I will be needing a beta reader or two to help with the editing. Would you be interested?

  5. Great piece, Frank! Just to play devil’s advocate, the mom’s behavior here doesn’t prove she isn’t involved with the bad stuff that happens later, it only suggests it–this could be a red herring! But that’s great mystery for the story; we wonder about the mom and if she’s really as concerned as she appears. I think it’s a fine additional bit of tension for readers. 🙂

    A month and a half in Florida! Wow, that’s fantastic. Enjoy the heck out of your stay there and hope you get some serious editing done. We’ll miss your excerpts of course!

  6. As always, we get a good eye into Melissa’s head here. I still have to wonder about their mom, but if yousay Mom’s not involved in anything here, I believe you….

    I still think Melissa’s reactions to her were kind of odd (as in, having been a teenage girl, they felt really odd, like something was already wrong)

    • Not sure what you mean by Melissa’s reactions. She’s just being a teen.

      • Oh, this snippet was fine as far as her reaction. Her other reactions to her mom in prior snippets always struck me as odd. That’s all. This one read really smooth

  7. Great snippet, where you just know that Melissa is going to learn a hard lesson. Way to leave us wondering! 😉 Just kidding, enjoy your vacation!

  8. Terrific snippet, typical dialogue between concerned mom and older teen sister.
    Have a super summer, dear Frank.

  9. Have a wonderful vacation – we’ll miss you! Enjoyed the excerpt today. I didn’t pick up anything about the Mom being involved with the bad things that will happen. She just sounded like an ordinary mother to me (which is a good thing!). I thought the socks comment was good foreshadowing.

  10. I sense foreshadowing! And by that, I mostly mean I have read snippets you posted from later on. 😉

    I wonder if there’s something else the parents are worrying about. “Getting cold easily” doesn’t sound too bad.

  11. You show a lot about the sister’s relationship with the snippet as well as the role Melissa plays in the family. Great snippet.
    Have an amazing trip!

  12. You’re building up the tension, detail by detail.

  13. I swear, anytime someone mentions anything having to do with feet in this story, I get all squirmy. 🙂 Asbestos socks indeed!

    Have a great vacation!

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