Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – What’s So Funny?

This is Weekend Writing Warriors, the place where writers from all over come together to share 8 to 10 sentences from their stories with the world. Click on the link to see who’s participating, as well as all the rules to participate. I can’t believe I haven’t participated in nearly three months, but then again it’s been a wacky summer!

I’m sharing a snippet from my YA novella, The Burning Night, which is in the editing stages at the moment. I also plan to change the synopsis and blurb as it has gone a different direction than originally planned. This snippet takes place at the beginning of the story where my MC, Melissa, has arrived with her family at a country house in upstate New York, where they will spend a few days. Melissa’s younger sister, Ashley, is poking fun at her as she gets out of the family van.

This snippet is in the 8-10 sentence rule:

            Ashley chortled as she got out. Glancing at me, her eyes squinted, lit with a glitter of mischief.

            “What?” I asked.

            She cackled and her stomach became more animated. The friskiness was clear in her eyes.

            “What’s so, like, damn funny?”

            She didn’t answer and kept laughing at me, as she gestured mockingly. Whatever she was up to, it couldn’t be good. Then again, who knew what was going on in that monkey-infested head of hers?

Melissa is right – Ashley’s up to no good, and little does Melissa know Ashley has done something to her, which she’ll find out soon enough. Other than the fact they’re sisters, there’s a reason why Ashley teases Melissa so much, which will play a part later in the story. I intend to share more of this over the next month. Your feedback with this is much appreciated.

I know what many of you are asking – “Where the hell have you been, Frank?!?” First, I’ve missed you all. Second, I was busy traveling to Canada and Florida, visiting friends and family in respective places. I’ve been busy editing this story, and I’ve also been planning a new YA romance novel, which I hope to start next year. Now that I’m back in one place for awhile, I’ll have more time to share my snippets.

It’s great to be back, and look forward to reading your snippets as well.


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20 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – What’s So Funny?

  1. I love how you effortlessly (or maybe with great effort, I don’t know) capture the spirit of teasing siblings.

  2. Welcome back! I do enjoy Ashley and Melissa’s dynamic- it lightens up what could otherwise be a completely dark story.

  3. So happy you’ve returned to us. Love the snippet and the poking with one sister to another makes me want to smack her.

  4. “monkey infested head” is just the perfect phrase! Very cool Frank

  5. Welcome back, Frank. Hope you had a fabulous time visiting!

    Really good excerpt – as usual – but could I make one suggestion? You mention mischief and friskiness in Ashley’s eyes in separate places, not far from each other. I’m thinking only of those is necessary to get your point across. You have a very clear visual without that second mention, IMHO.

    While I’m thinking about it, because most of the excerpt is clear visually, what do you mean by “gestured mockingly?” What kind of gesture? I know sometimes people cut things to fit WeWriWa guidelines, so maybe that’s explained in the full scene?

    I’m a pill sometimes, I know it!

  6. Welcome back! Enjoyed the snippet, will be curious to see what’s happened with the story…one thing, for me “her stomach became more animated” left me with an uneasy visual and took me out of the story. Wasn’t sure what you meant – sorry! But I do get the sisterly feels between them from the snippet so good on that…

  7. chellecordero

    Oooh, as a kid I hated if someone just kept pointing at me and laughing (most often done just to get my ire going). The banter and mischief comes through quite well.

  8. Great job of capturing the dynamics between two sisters. And I loved the “monkey-infested head of hers” part.

  9. I agree about the “animated stomach.” I picture little cartoon eyes and feet . . .

    But I love her oh-so loving thoughts about her sister, primate infestation and all!

  10. Welcome back, Frank! Good to see you. 🙂

    Looks like there’s devilment in the air. 🙂

    Isn’t it amazing how stories take on a life of their own?

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