Weekend Writing Warriors/#Sunday – Itsy, Bitsy Spider!

Welcome to another Sunday of Weekend Writing Warriors. Thanks for visiting my blog today. It’s great to be reunited with all of my writing friends! I’m continuing with another snippet from The Burning Night.

In this snippet, my MC, Melissa, is venting out her frustrations. She’s just finished arguing with her dad about staying at the country house, and is walking angrily on a trail when she comes across a creepy-crawly. This is in Melissa’s POV, and I’ve formatted the snippet so it meets the 8 to 10 sentence rule:

I strode along a grassy pathway without any care of where it led to. Twigs crunched underfoot as I cussed and kicked a few unlucky stones out of my way. I let out two mega sneezes as the pollen tortured my nostrils. I stopped to blow my nose with a napkin I picked up from the McDonald’s we stopped at near Rochester.

Dipping my chin, I sucked in a breath. A black spider the size of a ping-pong ball was parked by my right foot with two legs planted on my shoe.

I bleated like a lamb, my hands trembling as the napkin fell to the ground. “S-s-spider, I hate spiders!”

My eyes bulged as it crawled on my foot, its dagger-like legs poking through the canvas fabric of my shoe. “Ge-ge-get off my foot, you icky thing!”

Poor Melissa! It seems like a minuscule thing, but it not for Melissa; it’s one of her greatest fears. Tune in next week to see more of this scene. I also intend to show snippets between Melissa and her dad. Thanks in advance for your comments! I’ll be sure to stop by your blogs and comment on your own snippets. New to Weekend Writing Warriors? Click on the link above to see how you can join the fun!

In related writing news, I’ve recently joined my school’s newspaper where I am writing articles geared to the undergraduates. So far, so good, and I’m hoping it will boost my writing skills.

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25 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#Sunday – Itsy, Bitsy Spider!

  1. The size of a tennis ball? Oh dear.

  2. Poor Melissa!
    You describe her misery so well!

  3. Perfect description of the reaction to a big spider. Good writing, Frank.

  4. evelynjules

    This is nicely written, Frank! Excellent description. As a fellow fearer of the creepy-crawlies, you got my heart pounding too! Good luck at the newspaper! 🙂

  5. Noooo! I hate spiders. Poor Melissa. If it ain’t one thing, it’s another.

  6. Great descriptions Frank, and the beginning just pulled me in. I know writing in this POV makes for lots of I’s, which for me, pull me out of the story a bit. I was wondering if you could get rid of a couple of them by something like this… Two mega sneezes erupted from my pollen tortured nostrils. And…I blew my nose with a napkin from the McDonald’s in Rochester that’d been stuffed in my pocket. Or just…I stopped and blew my nose. I’m looking forward to seeing how this story is evolving : )

  7. burnsmillie

    Hey Frank, the beginning of this really pulled me in. Loved it. Now I know this POV makes for lots of I’s…and for me, that pulls me out of the story. Not sure if it does it to other folks or not, but I was thinking maybe you could change a couple things in the first paragraph to keep the flow better. Like…Two mega sneezes erupted from my pollen tortured nostrils. And…I blew my nose on a napkin from the McDonald’s we’d stopped at in Rochester. I dunno, just might make it a little smoother. So looking forward to seeing how this story is evolving : )

  8. Dread spider! Nice description of it to demonstrate her imagery. I hope this fear doesn’t get the best of her.

  9. Best wishes on joining the newspaper, hope that’s fun stuff! I liked the excerpt, sympathized with your character’s phobia for sure. One nit though – spider’s legs don’t stab through things (at least not the spiders I know). If they bite you, it’s a stabbing all right (with some chewing ewww). Spiders move kinda lightly over stuff…maybe not one as big as what you’re describing though!

  10. burnsmillie

    Sorry I posted twice…it didn’t look like my first post went through : )

  11. Wonderful snippet! Spiders are a nice, universal dislike, so most readers will be creeped out. And congrats on joining your school paper!

  12. I’m not afraid of spiders but one the size of a ping pong ball would startle me for sure. Great description and you show so much about her and her mood. Great job.

  13. This totally could have happened (and has!) at my house. My (linebacker built) Accomplice, and both kids (one now bigger than me) are all terrified of spiders. Not me, though…although I’d be wanting to brush this fellow aside to go about his business elsewhere….

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