Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Melissa and the Spider

8 to 10 sentences on your blog every Sunday, and that’s all it takes to be a part of Weekend Writing Warriors.Things are going fine with me at work, school, and my new job with the newspaper. Another snippet from The Burning Night today. Thank you all for your comments on last week’s snippet. They really help with the editing process.

Melissa is dealing with a huge spider that refuses to get off her foot, and needs to do something fast before it likely bites her. This is in her POV, and has been modified to meet the 10 sentence rule.

Panting in terror, I watched the eight-legged creature, wondering if it was going to bite me. My body froze from the neck down, except for my heart constantly running marathons. I couldn’t move my foot in the slightest way for fear it would piss off the spider. My mind wandered down the dreadful path of a spider bite. I couldn’t take the chance. It could’ve been one of those deadly spiders you see on National Geographic. A spider this size had to have huge fangs, and the canvas fabric wasn’t enough to protect my poor foot from them. I likely only had seconds before it sank its fangs into my skin.

I closed my eyes and whispered, “C’mon Melissa, you can do it, you can’t die now, you gotta live to see California.”

Letting out a shriek, I kicked the spider off my foot and watched it fly in the air before landing by a tree nearby.

Phew! Close call. It seems like poor Melissa can’t catch a break here. I’d love to know what works and what doesn’t. I’m going to share a different scene from this story next week. I will be out all day today, so I won’t be able to read and comment on everyone’s snippets until tonight, or possibly Monday. My general rule of thumb is if you comment on my snippet, I’ll be sure to comment on yours. Thanks and have a great Sunday!

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16 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – Melissa and the Spider

  1. I’ve had spider bites. No fun.

    Since you’re looking for feedback … one phrase nagged at me: “my heart constantly running marathons.” A marathon is a long, rather slow race, so how about ‘sprint’ instead?

  2. I loved the inner dialogue Frank! Go Melissa!

  3. Absolutely terrific, Frank. Tension built up to the last minute and then a simple solution.

  4. burnsmillie

    Darn those spiders! They sure do freak some folks out, to the point of near hysteria!

  5. Dramatic scene! I’m glad she conquered her own fear enough to flick the spider off her foot. Great excerpt…

  6. I almost couldn’t read this because ew, spiders! I misread the first word as “punting,” so throughout the snippet I kept muttering to myself “kick it!” I’m glad she did. 🙂

    • I’m glad you were rooting for Melissa. At first she lets her fear press her down, but then she realizes it’s a matter of life or death, so she does what she needed to do.

  7. Poor spider! The bigger ones aren’t always venomous–or aggressive–she might have just killed a perfectly innocent bug-eater. Or not!

  8. Wow, high tension! Great snippet.

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