Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – My Gift

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, the 8-10 sentence blog hop where you sample excerpts of great stories. Sorry I was absent last weekend. I have an important decision to make in the next week or so – one that will alter the course of my life – so I’ve been preoccupied with that of late. Despite this, I’ve decided to participate today, so thanks for visiting!

I’m sharing a snippet from My Gift, which is a YA contemporary WIP that I recently started. It actually is the opening sentences from the story, where my MC, Stephanie, is being attacked by her abusive boyfriend, and this is her POV:

“You stupid bitch,” Adam slurs as he rams his foot into my ribs.

Pain shoots into my stomach with more intensity than the previous blows. All I can do is cry out in agony while uselessly trying to block my boyfriend’s foot.

“A-adam, ple-please stop! I-I’m sorry!”

“Shut up,” he kicks me, sending a storm of pain into my hands that block my stomach.

His eyes are filled with drunken rage, and it’s clear he won’t let me up.

“You were with that fuggin’ guy,” he bellows, “weren’t ya!”

 

Whatever he was drinking before I walked in the door makes his voice sound less violent, but it offers no respite from the blows he’s delivering to my body.

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The Blurb: All it took was a stroke of luck for Stephanie Deigel to free herself from the clutches of abusive boyfriend, Adam, and make her miraculous escape. In doing so, she meets Ben. A goodhearted Christian who generously takes her into his home when she has nowhere else to go. It’s the perfect opportunity to rebuild her life that’s been reduced to ruins. A quaint home in a peaceful town, miles from the monster who promised to always take care of her, and under Ben’s generous hospitality. But Stephanie quickly learns that rebuilding is tough, especially as she dropped out of college and has limited funds in her bank account. On top of that, Ben’s feisty teenage daughter doesn’t appreciate the new guest in the house. Stephanie knows she can’t stay where she is forever. She also knows it’s only a matter of time before Adam finally catches up to her. Will she be able to put her life back together before time runs out?

Not sure if this is the right way to open the story. Again, I just started it. Feedback is always appreciated. I will be out and about today, so I probably won’t get to reading everyone’s snippets until the evening.

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22 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday – My Gift

  1. Amongst other things, book openings should hint at the kind of story to come. This opening promises a dark, rather violent tale. That may be the kind of story you want, but from what I’ve read of your work, I’d be kind of surprised.

    • It’s starts off as violent but transitions into a smoother story. By that I mean the heroine quickly escapes and finds shelter with a goodhearted family.

  2. Wow. The violence in that snippet made me cringe. I hope your decision making goes well, Frank. Best of luck!

  3. Change is in the air, Frank. I have been similarly inflicted. Fortunately (or not) I have now set the wheels in motion. Not knowing what awaits is a nail-biter, but hey? Life is for living. Good luck, for your decision making. Hope it brings you closer to living your passion.

  4. I often hear that readers want to get to know the characters before the action starts, so they have a reason to care when something bad happens. But honestly, I don’t think you need to add much, because domestic violence is pretty common. I think a lot of people can relate to Stephanie here even if they’ve never experienced it themselves.

    Very best of luck with your big decision, Frank. I hope it turns out exactly as you want 🙂

    Marcia

    • I thought that by starting out like this, it raises many questions. And thanks for your personal support!

  5. That’s a very intense start to the story! I tend to like dropping readers into the action, but not everyone is a fan of that. Sounds like an interesting story idea.

  6. Well you do make the reader feel sorry for your heroine here. An uncomfortable scene going on.

  7. Whoa, not good. She better get out of that relationship fast! I was cringing! :S

  8. Oh, dear.
    I’d cast my vote for a different start, but domestic violence makes me deeply unhappy in fiction or real life.

    • I like the idea of a different start, but the abuse has to remain because it acts as the story’s spark plug

  9. I think you’ve done a fantastic job of getting into your character’s head, Frank–and you’ve taken the reader along with you. I like it. Her beating is cringe-worthy.

    • Thanks Teresa, I seem to like torturing my characters, whether it’s giving them a hot foot, or having them beaten by boyfriends. Though I might change the way this story begins

  10. What an emotional start to a story, because it makes me mad! I hope he gets what he deserves!

  11. What an emotional start to the story because it makes me mad! I hope Adam gets what he deserves!

  12. Well, he’s gone. Gotta be. Who’s next?

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