Weekend Writing Warriors – Don’t Bother Daddy!

The weekly 8-10 sentence blog hop is hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Click on the links for participation guidelines, as well as the official list of participating authors.

 

I’m glad to be back after a long absence from W.W.W. More on that after the snippet. I’m offering an excerpt from my new WIP, Cruel Summer, which is a coming-of-age YA contemporary that takes place in Cincinnati.

In this snippet, Melissa approaches her dad in his study and asks why he’s not attending to Ashley, her younger sister who’s heartbroken after her boyfriend cheated on her. Dad doesn’t take kindly to being disturbed while working. Note that this is a different Melissa and Ashley, and not the ones from my other story; I just thought it would be nice to have my heroines with the same names – I dunno!

This is Melissa’s POV and creative punctuation has been used to meet the sentence limit:

Dad lifted his head up from his laptop amid his fingers clicking away happily on the keyboard. His glasses slid down to the tip of his nose as he greeted me with a lowered brow. I simply folded my arms and tapped my foot, letting him know I didn’t care if I was disturbing whatever he was working on.

“Are you, like, aware Ashley’s upstairs in tears?” I asked him.

“Are you, like, aware that I have a deadline to meet? Are you also aware I warned her about that witless impudent?”

I blinked at the annoyance shooting from his eyes into mine.

“Now I know you’re not down here to check on me, so out with it, young lady.”

You couldn’t fool my dad, he always had that weird ability to read people.

“I wanna borrow the car,” I said,”I wanna take Ashley out to Ariane’s for some waffles.”

 

Ariane’s is a fictitious diner in the story. The tension between Melissa and her dad is a subplot of the story, and it stems from the fact that Melissa wants to live her own life.

Blurb: When her younger sister starts dating a young man with a dark side, life turns upside down for Melissa. She’ll need the help from the last person she would go to – her ex-boyfriend.

Thoughts and feedback is much appreciated, keeping in mind this is a W.I.P.

So where the heck have I been? Sorry, I’ve been working two jobs since October and trying to keep up with my Rotary duties. Sadly, writing has also been on the back-burner. No matter, I’m just happy I’ve finally made some time to be with you all again. I’ll share another snippet from this story next week.

Thanks for visiting me today!

Frank

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23 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – Don’t Bother Daddy!

  1. I love the picture you paint in the first paragraph. You’ve chosen details that are almost cinematic.

    • Thanks, to be honest I wasn’t sure if I did a great job or not as I recently wrote this so thanks!

  2. Author Jessica E. Subject

    Well, her father seems to understand her. Well written!

  3. I agree with Ed. You have painted a clear picture of a father/daughter conflict. Details are awesome!

  4. Welcome back! I enjoyed the scene, felt very real slice-of-life to me and I liked that she wanted to take her sister out to make her feel better. On the technical side, I would not use the same names for your sisters as you used in the other book. You’ll confuse the readers and create an expectation that these ARE the same girls. With so many female names in the world, why limit yourself?

    • Thanks for your feedback. As for the technical part, I’ve decided to scrap the other story as I felt the plot wasn’t plausible enough for potential readers, so it won’t be published. But you do present a valid point, so I will keep it in mind for future stories.

  5. Welcome back! Great dialogue- you really capture the tension and the sarcasm.

  6. Welcome back, Frank. You had me laughing at Dad’s perceptiveness.

  7. nancygideon

    Good thing big sis has little sis’s best interests at heart. Dad can’t seem to find his. Maybe if he adjusted his glasses. Way to step in, Melissa.

    • Dad is stubborn in his ways, and he’s oblivious to what really happens to Ashley in the story. Kudos to Melissa, indeed!

  8. Welcome back, Frank. Good to “see” you!

    I think the interaction between these two seems very authentic, very real. I am wondering where Melissa and Ashley’s mom is–and that’s a good thing that you’ve made a reader think. 🙂

  9. He gets at least some of her motivations, at least. Nothing like waffles to heal heartbreak!

    • Yes, late night waffles come in handy, but unfortunately for Melissa, dad won’t let her have the car.

  10. Welcome back! Loved the dialogue in this snippet!

  11. Great scene. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  12. Good thing you explained these were different characters. Great scene! BTW Have loads of fun in South America!!

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