Weekend Writing Warriors – Heartbroken

 

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This is the weekly 8-10 sentence blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone and thanks for visiting my blog! I’m glad I’ve finally found a free Sunday to be with you all!

I’m sharing a snippet from my YA WIP, Love Conquers. Unfortunately, it’s not a holiday season read. Full blurb can be found by clicking the Love Conquers page on my blog.

This snippet takes place in a flashback where heroine, Melissa, recalls the day after her boyfriend dumped her. She has been in bed all day, heartbroken. Creative editing has been used to meet the sentence limit.

I’m sprawled out in the middle of my king size bed, the side of my face planted on my pillow as I stare at the picture of me and Mom. I haven’t taken my eyes off it for an hour. What I wouldn’t give to have her here right now so she can hold me. “What am I gonna do, Mom?” I whimper with hundreds of memory bubbles bursting at once in my head. They fuel the pain that’s been crushing my heart. Every passionate moment I spent with him over three years is gone. Just gone, and I can never get it back.
My blankets and sheets are twisted like I haven’t left my bed for days as I dig my fingers into the pillow case. Actually, I haven’t left this bed at all except for a couple of trips to the bathroom.

 

Normally, my snippets include dialogue, but I thought a little narrative description would be nice. I consider myself weak in this area, so your feedback will be very helpful!

Anyway, poor Melissa! Her breakup with her boyfriend is important to the story as it plunges her into a rough situation later in the story. More from this scene next week, I hope!

In other news, I have officially decided that I’m going to leave Poland after contract finishes. I like it here, but not enough to stay another year. I’m not sure where I will end up, but I would like some more adventure abroad. Living abroad, for me, the best experience anyone can get – if they are fortunate enough to have it of course!

Thanks for your comments!

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11 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – Heartbroken

  1. You can’t leave Poland yet, Frank. Not until you Polish up your WIP, right?

  2. Very intense snippet, you certainly convey her heartbreak clearly. Best wishes on your next adventure abroad, wherever you may end up 🙂

  3. Author Jessica E. Subject

    That would definitely be hard for Melissa to deal with that heartbreak without her mother.

  4. You have done a fantastic job of conveying her despair! I love the way she’s talking to her mom. I admit I have felt the anguish of a mom no longer here. And her heartbreak over him feels very, very real.

    I offer one suggestion. In this: “My blankets and sheets are twisted like I haven’t left my bed for days as I dig my fingers into the pillow case. Actually, I haven’t left this bed at all except for a couple of trips to the bathroom.”

    I would move the lines around a bit so the mention of fingers digging into… doesn’t distract from the cohesiveness of the lines about leaving the bed. (BTW, I really like the bit about fingers digging into the pillowcase–oh, and I think pillowcase might be one word).

    I dig my fingers into the pillowcase. My blankets and sheets are twisted like I haven’t left my bed for days. Actually, I haven’t left this bed at all except for a couple of trips to the bathroom.

    Just thoughts. We all see things differently. 🙂

    I like reading about your experiences in Poland. Bravo for looking for a new position abroad. Wonder what new adventures await you on your journey?

    • Thanks very much your feedback! I love it! As for where I will be next, it could be Spain, China, Portugal or possibly back home!

      • They all sound awesome! Sometimes home is a much needed break. I look forward to traveling along via your photos and narrative. 🙂

  5. Memory bubbles – what a great picture that creates!

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