Weekend Writing Warriors – Please, Dad?

Welcome to the weekly 8-10 sentence blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Click on the link to visit other participating writers. You can also find me in Facebook’s Snippet Sunday. Thanks for visiting my blog! And thanks to everyone for your constructive feedback last week! I’ve incorporated your suggestions in the draft.

I’m continuing from my WIP, Driving Me Wild.  Last week, Melissa asked her dad if she could borrow his car for the day. The snippet skips a few lines where they continue arguing and begins with her dad making his case. Creative punctuation has been used to meet the sentence limit. Enjoy:

 

“I will say this one last time, Melissa, when a sufficient period of time has passed, we shall discuss the possibility of you using my car again. A sufficient period of time has not passed, and therefore you are prohibited from driving the car, is that understood?”

I wince with an overload of coffee-fumed breath attacking my nostrils. “Is there, like, any chance this sufficient period of time will pass before the Bengals win another Super Bowl?”

He presses his balled fists into his hips, and I swallow hard with the fire in his eyes burning into mine. Guess the Bengals pun is a little too much. “It will pass when I say so, Melissa Lauren Isabel.”

“C’mon, Dad, just let me drive it for, like, this one day. Do it for me, I won’t ask for any-”
 “I wouldn’t do it for the state governor!”

 

 

Well…looks like Dad has made his point. You lose, Melissa. Dad and her butt heads quite a bit in the story.

Anyway, comments and feedback are most appreciated. Next time, we will focus on a different chapter.

Wishing everyone good health, and most of all happiness and solidarity during this very difficult and uncertain time. Need some inspiration on beating COVID-19 lockdown? Check out my post, which comes out tomorrow morning!

 

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24 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors – Please, Dad?

  1. I think she’s beating a dead horse. Dad is not going to change his mind. lol

    Frank, this is great writing. The dialogue feels natural. I can see his side–I can feel his side. 🙂 And I can hear that futile reasoning coming out of her mouth. Nice work!

    • No he’s not. And thanks, Teresa! I edited this scene a couple of times already, and I really feel that I’m bringing Melissa and her dad to life!

  2. Author Jessica E. Subject

    She should have given up when he used her full name. That’s a sure sign she’s not going to win her case.

  3. This reminds of arguments my sister had with my dad, when she kept trying and trying and trying, though even her little brother knew it was hopeless. I, of course, was far too nice a kid to *ever* argue with my parents.

    • Interesting to learn this about you. Melissa sometimes thinks she can get her way, but then realizes she can’t like so.

  4. A typical conversation with Father and Daughter. Just perfect, Frank.

  5. nancygideon

    LOL! I can visualize the two of them butting heads. Nicely done. Using that middle name is always the kiss of death.

  6. Aurora Springer

    He certainly has made his point. What is she going to do?

  7. Lol! I think I’ve had this VERY same conversation with my daughter. Nicely done as it evoked a vivid memory. 🙂

    • Oh my! This conversation must have been tough for you. The Melissa vs. Dad bit goes on throughout the story, and they must find a way to solve their differences.

  8. Haha I enjoyed the Bengals pun, probably because I’m a Steelers fan. Nice conversation, the back and forth was interesting.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    • If you’re a Steelers fan, I totally get the rivalry. Everyone in Cincy always talked about the Bengals vs. Steelers. Thanks for commenting!

  9. I think she’ll make it worse if she keeps arguing the point.

  10. She’s persistent alright. I wonder when she will go too far, or on the flip side might he give in after all ?

    • In this scene, she has to give in. Dad said she couldn’t break the law and she did. So in his mind, she loses her privileges.

  11. Diane Burton

    She is persistent, isn’t she? She should know better, esp. when he used her full name. That’s the kiss of death to her wishes. Well done.

    • You’re the third person to point out this kiss of death thing. She gets it after hearing the full name.

  12. I think Dad has made himself clear on the point all right but points to her for trying various approaches…great snippet.

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