Be Responsible on St. Paddy’s Day


I thought I would take a different approach to blogging about St. Paddy’s Day. In the past, I’ve talked about its significance and what it means to me. But this year, I thought I’d focus on why most of us look forward to it: drinking!

With St. Paddy’s Day falling on a Saturday this year, you’ll likely plan on a day-long party with your friends and/or significant others. And by no means am I against you drinking! It’s Saturday, go out, paint the town black. Just be responsible and have a plan. Ensure you have a designated driver, and have someone watch out for you in case you end up doing something you wouldn’t normally do when you’re sober.

I do want to stress on having a D.D. You can be sure the police will be out on full force, and you wouldn’t want to wake up with a criminal record. If you know you’re going to go all out, leave your car at home, use Uber or whatever your poison is to get home. It might seem like a hassle, but it will be totally worth it. Oh and…

Honor Thy Bartender

Mike_Fisher (2 of 4) Seriously. Wherever your watering hole happens to be, please nice your barkeep. They’re going to be overworked. Tip them well, and if you happen to be unlucky enough to be cut off, don’t argue. They’re not being mean, they’re just doing their job and making sure the law doesn’t get involved. I was a bartender for a few years, and I remember having to work a St. Paddy’s Day. It was one of the most stressful days as a bartender, and I almost passed out from constantly ringing orders. I even got a mouthful when I cut a few patrons off, or refused to serve them because they showed up at my bar already intoxicated. So please, please, love thy bartender this St. Paddy’s Day.

So stay safe this St. Paddy’s Day, and be sure to have a pint of the black stuff. It’s not St. Paddy’s Day without it!


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Online Dating – Part Three



Hello, and thanks for visiting my blog today! We conclude this three-part discussion on online dating, where we focus on meeting your match in person. Hopefully, you’ve connected with someone online, exchanged messages back and forth, so now it’s time to go from online to offline. If you haven’t connected with someone yet, no worries. Don’t give up because you are bound to connect with someone, assuming you’ve been putting effort into your initial messages.

And now back to asking that match for a date. Yes, it might seem nerve-racking, but at some point you want to meet that someone you’ve been seeing online in person. Nobody joins a dating site for pen pals, and let’s face it having a pen pal is not going to establish a serious relationship. And just as us guys make the first move in messaging, we’re the ones that ask the girl out (sounds familiar, huh?). While you might be hesitant about meeting a total stranger in person, taking things offline is important for several reasons:

  1. It’s the only way to know if there’s real chemistry. You and her might have great online chemistry, but offline it could be a different story. In fact, you might find that she is not the person you thought you met online. Best to find out sooner rather than later. And at least if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a lot of time or mental energy.
  2. You are not the only one she is messaging. You can be sure that she is messaging several other guys – and possibly has set up dates with them too. You’ll want to find out there is a potential future with her fast, otherwise someone else will take your place.
  3. It shows you are serious about a relationship. Women don’t like men who play games, and if you hesitate to meet in person she will think you are not serious and move on to another guy.

When should you ask her to meet in person? It depends on the person and the flow of the online conversation. By the time you ask her out, you should know the following about each other:

  • name
  • occupation
  • hometown
  • a little bit about family
  • hobbies

In my experience, I think after five mutual messages it’s safe to take things offline. If you are thinking in days, assuming you have been exchanging messages on a daily basis, I would say go ahead and ask her out after day four. Not sure how to ask her? Try this:

Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I’m very curious to know what you are like in person. I was wondering if you would like to meet for coffee soon? We could exchange numbers in the meantime. If you’re not ready for this yet, I understand.

This example can’t go wrong. You make the offer, yet acknowledge if she’s not ready to meet you. The worst that can happen is she simply say she’s not ready – yet. Speaking of women not being ready, some women may, in fact, not be as eager to take things offline as you are. Respect this. In this case, just continue to exchange emails. After a week or so, you can ask her out again. Hopefully, by then she’ll say yes. It’s okay if it takes a couple of weeks before you finally meet.

people, lifestyle and dating concept - happy couple drinking cof

So where should you meet for the first time? Some sources will suggest you go all out and have a date filled with multiple activities. Since you’re trying to see if there’s authentic chemistry, a coffee date is the best bet. It’s a public place, relatively quiet, and comfortable, allowing the two of you to get to know each other. It’s just coffee, and if you find there’s no chemistry, you can simply go your separate ways afterwards. When selecting a coffee shop, try and come to a mutual agreement. If she’s like, “I don’t care, you pick,” choose a Mom & Pop type place. Try using Yelp to find the best place, but make sure that it is one that the both of you can easily access and has parking.

Don’t like the idea of coffee? You could go to a bar and have a drink. Just keep the booze to a minimum (for obvious reasons).

Places you SHOULD NOT choose for the first date/meeting:

  • your place, or hers
  • movie theaters (save that for the second, or third date)
  • nightclubs, or any place that’s too dark or loud
  • restaurants (too much potential for disaster, especially when you haven’t met in person yet)

What day is best for the first date? Some sources will tell you to avoid Fridays, Saturdays and Mondays. To be honest, the day of the week makes little difference in whether you’ll have a great time and/or true chemistry. You should choose a day that is good for BOTH OF YOU! And give each other options. Just because you’re free on Sunday, doesn’t mean she is.


What should I wear?
No need for a tux! Just wear something casual, but definitely no lounge wear! Make sure you are cleanly shaven, comb your hair and brush your teeth. Chew on some mint gum half an hour before the date! And ladies, leave the heels at home. Comfortable shoes are a must!

What should we talk about?
Find out more about what you’ve been talking about online. Ask open-ended questions, and avoid the following subjects: politics, exes, religion, and sex.

What if there is true chemistry?
Ask her on a second date, silly! Better yet, take her to another venue such as a comedy club or a walk in the park.

The date was great, but I’m not sure if there is potential. What should I do?
Take some time for thoughts and reflection. It is common for people to be unsure of whether they should see each other again. After a day or two, you will have a better idea. You can either go on a second date, or simply tell her the truth. If you do decide to tell her the truth, do it soon and try and do it over the phone (no texting).

What if I know right away there’s no potential?
You can either ride it out, and mutually part ways after, or lie and say you forgot that you promised to help out a friend (careful with this one since lies end up catching you in the butt). It’s best to be honest in person and end things so as you don’t waste your time – or hers!

Well that wraps up this adventure of online dating. I hope you have learned something from this, and I wish you happy dating! Until next time!

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , ,

Online Dating – Part Two



So last week I talked about the basics for setting up your online dating profile. This week, we move onto messaging. You’ve set up a profile, browsed potential available matches, and one – or several – has caught your eye, which means it’s time to break the ice and send an introductory message.

Messaging is the part that many male users mess up. That is, they send one-liners, sexual innuendos and anything else that makes a woman roll her eyes and ultimately hit ‘DELETE’. Such bad messages include the following:

  • “Hey!”
  • “What’s up?”
  • “Hey cutie!”
  • “I like your profile.”

Internet dating

These messages are surefire ways to end up in the trash and make a bad impression. You would be surprised how often women receive messages like these. In fact, they get so many they decide to delete their accounts.

Women are flooded with messages, so it’s important that you make yours stand out from the crowd. You have only one shot to make a good impression, so make it count!

Keys to sending an impressive first message:

  • read a woman’s profile entirely before messaging. Women have taken the time to write out a well-crafted profile, and in return expect us males to read through their profile
  • Comment on something that caught your eye from their profile (one of their photos, hobby, philosophy, etc)
  • don’t introduce yourself, in other words don’t say, “Hi! I’m…” Save name exchanges for the second message (assuming she replies to your initial message)
  • don’t comment on her looks, or username, or otherwise put her on a pedestal. Chances are she’ll have received plenty of messages commenting on those. Remember, stand out from the crowd!
  • if she happens to be online at the time you are messaging her, DO NOT say, “Hey!” You might think this is a great way to start a conversation, but this rarely works. It’s best to message her as if she’s offline
  • your initial message should be one to four sentences. No need for a paragraph!
  • Definitely ask her a question. This increases the chances of her replying

The time you message is also key. In other words, you should not send your first message to her on a weekend night. Women will assume you have no friends and/or drunk. Best to message at other times. I find Saturday and Sunday mornings are great!

Not sure what a message should look like? Let’s take a woman with a picture of her with the backdrop of the Tower Bridge in London. She says she’s from Atlanta and hopes to own a ski chalet in Colorado someday. You could message her like so:

I’ve been to London myself! It’s an amazing city! Did you go up the London Eye while you were there? What brought you here from Atlanta? 

P.S. Those are cute flip-flops you are wearing in that photo!

See how this shows interest in a match? This person has clearly read the profile, and not just Women also love it when you comment on their accessories like shoes. Don’t worry if you haven’t actually been to London. You could tell her you would like to go there, and ask what she liked the most about it. You could also ask her questions about her dream ski chalet.

Now I want to talk to you ladies for a moment. I know that it’s us guys that make the first move, but many women make the mistake of waiting for Prince Charming to appear out of nowhere. You want to be proactive when searching for online matches. You should be sending out initial messages, following the same suggestions I have already pointed out. Many women complain that they only get creepy messages when in fact they haven’t sent out a single introductory message. By taking the first step, you increase the odds of connecting with someone special. Don’t be afraid to send a few messages!

Waiting for a reply

So you’ve sent the first impression, and now you play the waiting game. First of all, good for you for taking the first step! (Exhale). What happens next? In my experience, a woman who is truly interested in you will reply within 48 hours. Having said that, if you don’t receive a response within that time, she’s likely not interested. No biggie, just move on. Active online daters have dating apps on their phone, so you can be assured that they are checking their messages.

You shouldn’t message one match,  and then twiddle your thumbs hoping for a response. Successful online daters search and email, search and email. They don’t put their eggs in one basket, and neither should you! The more thoughtful messages you fire out, the more likely you are to make meaningful connection.

Why didn’t she reply?
Most of the reasons are those beyond your control. You can craft an amazing profile, but it will not impress every woman. She probably doesn’t like your taste of music, food, or it could be because you are either too tall or short for her. Women are also intuitive and maybe something is telling them you aren’t right for them. On the other hand, she’s probably too busy to reply at the moment, become serious with someone else, or is fed up with creepy messages and ready to commit online dating suicide. Whatever the reason, she might not be the right match for you anyway.

Should I send a second message?
So you want to send a follow up message to someone you already messaged (Hey, did you get my message?). I find that follow messages don’t work. If she doesn’t reply to your initial message, it’s best to leave it at that and move on. Now I’ve heard of stories of men extending the fangs and bombarding women with follow up messages, hoping for a response. If you do this, she will respond by either blocking you or reporting you. Remember it’s very easy for us men to come off as creeps when it comes to online dating. Don’t become a creep!

Shouldn’t she be honest and tell you the truth?
You’d think! Women are not obligated to reply, and frankly they know that by replying will just open a can of you-know-what. Just accept the awkward silence as “thanks but no thanks!”

You Get a Reply

Awesome! Especially, as reply rates for men are pretty low. So you’ve gotten a reply, which opens the door to online chatting. The key to this is to get to know each other as best as you can before meeting in person. Find out about her family, job, hobbies, places she’s been to, etc. Every message you send should end with a question.

Now I want to warn you about a couple of negative messaging scenarios:

  1. Mediocre replies. An example is when a match simply replies to a question you asked, but does not ask you anything. Matches like these are not likely interested in you, and are just being polite. I’ve found that engaging in conversations with these types is likely to fail, and should be set aside. In other words, treat them as ‘fail to reply’.
  2. Vanishing act. This happens where you are having a great online conversation, and all of a sudden they stop replying. It happens, it blows, and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it. You can try to revive the conversation, but I’ve found that once they stop replying, they…stop replying!

So I hope this post has been insightful. Tune in next week for how to go from online to offline!

Categories: Life | Tags: , , ,

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