Posts Tagged With: burning

Weekend Writing Warriors – A Painful Dance

 

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I hope you all are having a wonderful Easter weekend, wherever you are. It has been a week of wacky weather in my neck of the woods (snow, rain, cold, etc). Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, the place where writers share eight sentences from their stories. I’m also participating on Facebook’s Snippet Sunday.

This week we pick up from last week’s snippet of my YA horror, The Burning Night. The previous snippet can be found here.

Set-up: Melissa and Ashley are trapped in a chamber by Emily and her two daughters, who watch them from a skylight above. One of Emily’s daughters has flipped a power switch, which makes the entire floor under Melissa and Ashley’s feet glow red-hot! With nothing to grab onto, the barefoot girls constantly lift up one foot after the other as they try to avoid harsh burns. Emily and her daughters delight in watching them suffer a killer hot foot.

This is in Melissa’s POV and with a little bit of creative punctuation.

The eight:

 

“Look at ‘em dance, girls,” Emily razzed, her scornful voice pricking me like darts.

“Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ow! Hot!” Ashley repeatedly cried, wincing as she desperately tried to keep her feet off the blazing floor. The pained expression on her face made my heart crack. With bulging eyes, she glanced at her poor feet as they endured painful burns with every touch of the floor. Turning to me with frantic eyes she cried, “It-it’s like l-lava on my f-feet, wh-what are we gonna do?!?”   

“I-I dunno!”

A chorus of cheeky squeals filled the air, dominating our cries as well as our feet thumping against the hot surface. The three women beamed at us from behind the skylight and I cried, “You…sick bi-bitches this re-really hu-hurts…wh-why are you torturing us?!?”

 

Good question! You can get a good sense of Ashley and Melissa’s anguish. How much more can their poor feet take? I would very much love to know your thoughts (yes I know this is scary). I look forward to reading your snippets today, too.

Visit the official site of Weekend Writing Warriors for the complete list of participating authors. If it’s your first time, I’d like to suggest you visit some of my favorite authors: Veronica Scott, Sarah Cass, Sarah Wesson, Millie Burns and Caitlin Stern.

I’m heading off to Spain next week for two months, so sadly I won’t be participating on W.W.W. for the next few weeks. I will return once I’m settled in Spain. Until then I’ll miss you all! Before I go, I’m thinking of changing the title of my story and I would like some feedback, if it’s not too much trouble. My possible suggestions are:

1. Girl On a Hot Tin Roof
2. Hot Time in the Old House
3. Heat

What do you think? If you can suggest a different title based on the snippets I would welcome that as well. Click on the Contact Me tab on my site if you want to give me a detailed suggestion. Thanks so much!

Happy Easter!

#8Sunday

 

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Weekend Writing Warriors – A Floor That Burns

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors! Thanks for stopping by. Hard to believe it’s April already. I’m sharing an eight from The Burning Night.

Set up: Melissa and Ashley are trapped in a room under the watchful eye of Emily and her twenty-something daughters. Emily tells the girls that they about to get the hot foot to end all hot feet, which leaves the girls trembling. Emily is the first to speak as she instructs one of her daughters to flip on a power switch.

Note: I’ve modified this excerpt so it meets the eight sentence criteria:

“Jessie, switch it on!”

The girl leaned over the edge of the skylight, disappearing from sight as a loud ‘click-click’ sounded from above that made my heart jump. Dipping my chin, my eyes bulged as the floor began to glow bright red with intense heat oozing through the bottoms of my feet.

Ashley looked down and jerked her feet, the glow and the heat mounting by the second. “Whoa, this floor’s getting hot!”

Jolting my feet, a sharp cry escaped me as every inch of the floor turned into a blanket of glowing stove burner red and the excruciating heat scorched our feet.

 “Aaaaahh!!” we cried and leapt off the floor, endlessly lifting up one foot after the other in a lame attempt to avoid burns. The blistering heat stabbed the bottoms of my feet like a hundred needles with every touch as I cried out in agony.

 

Now you know why Melissa was worried about that floor! FYI: both girls are barefoot, so you can understand how much that hurts! This is a previously shared snippet, but as you can see it’s been edited so I’d love your feedback. I look forward to reading your snippets, too. In case you’re wondering if Melissa has her shoes on, here’s a link to the previous snippet where she took them off. Snippet

Click on Weekend Writing Warriors for the complete list of participating authors.

As a bonus, I’m participating on Snippet Sunday

Enjoy your Sunday!

#8Sunday

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Weekend Writing Warriors – A horrific sight in the chamber

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Welcome to another day of Weekend Writing Warriors .  The rules are simple: post 8 sentences from any work onto your blog before Sunday morning, and comment on other participants eight, so YOU will eventually receive comments.

I’m also participating in Snippet Sunday. I’m sharing more snippets from my short story, Barbecued. We continue from last week’s 8, where Melissa tries to think of a way out when she and her sister are greeted with a surprise. Many thanks to those who commented on my last snippet, and hope to see your comments this week.

Here’s the eight:

 Letting out a shriek from the burning sensation, I frantically rocked my eyes at the walls that confined us, hoping to find some way out of here. The constant hopping drained me, as I felt the bottoms of my feet melt. I heard a loud hissing sound coming from the ground, as Ashley slapped my arm and cried, “Melissa, look!!”

  I quickly turned to see her bulging eyes and pallid face, while pointing to an egg sizzling on the floor by her feet. We gaped in horror at the egg searing on the scorching grid, and I felt tremors in my hands at the sight of white smoke rising off the charred edges. Raising my head, I saw Emily rubbing her palms as she licked her lips. I gazed at the dazzling floor directly under me, and I knew our feet couldn’t take another minute of this blazing heat as I leapt faster. Glancing at the wall behind me, I gasped as I spotted something that could save us.  

 

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Blurb: Melissa and Ashley are watching TV while relaxing on a couch at a country house, rented by their parents. Suddenly it spins them around, dumping them into an empty chamber with steel walls. They are greeted by a sadistic woman and her two daughters, watching them through a skylight in the ceiling (I’ve edited the ages of the daughters; they’re in their early twenties). The woman proceeds to give Mel and Ashley a hot foot by flipping a power switch which super heats the floor in the room (the floor is metallic and has heating elements). Since the girls were inside the house, they are in their bare feet. The girls leap and jump as the heat mounts, as the woman watches them dance.

* I took the photo of the frying egg one morning. It’s not exactly like the one in the snippet, but you get the idea. Thought it would be a nice touch.

Next week we’ll see what Melissa has spotted and if it can actually save them. I won’t have as much time to comment on other snippets today, but I really appreciate your helpful comments. I’ll do my best to visit everyone’s eight. Click on the link above for the official list of participating authors. Have a wonderful weekend!

#8Sunday

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