Posts Tagged With: suffering

Weekend Writing Warriors – A Painful Dance

 

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I hope you all are having a wonderful Easter weekend, wherever you are. It has been a week of wacky weather in my neck of the woods (snow, rain, cold, etc). Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, the place where writers share eight sentences from their stories. I’m also participating on Facebook’s Snippet Sunday.

This week we pick up from last week’s snippet of my YA horror, The Burning Night. The previous snippet can be found here.

Set-up: Melissa and Ashley are trapped in a chamber by Emily and her two daughters, who watch them from a skylight above. One of Emily’s daughters has flipped a power switch, which makes the entire floor under Melissa and Ashley’s feet glow red-hot! With nothing to grab onto, the barefoot girls constantly lift up one foot after the other as they try to avoid harsh burns. Emily and her daughters delight in watching them suffer a killer hot foot.

This is in Melissa’s POV and with a little bit of creative punctuation.

The eight:

 

“Look at ‘em dance, girls,” Emily razzed, her scornful voice pricking me like darts.

“Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ow! Hot!” Ashley repeatedly cried, wincing as she desperately tried to keep her feet off the blazing floor. The pained expression on her face made my heart crack. With bulging eyes, she glanced at her poor feet as they endured painful burns with every touch of the floor. Turning to me with frantic eyes she cried, “It-it’s like l-lava on my f-feet, wh-what are we gonna do?!?”   

“I-I dunno!”

A chorus of cheeky squeals filled the air, dominating our cries as well as our feet thumping against the hot surface. The three women beamed at us from behind the skylight and I cried, “You…sick bi-bitches this re-really hu-hurts…wh-why are you torturing us?!?”

 

Good question! You can get a good sense of Ashley and Melissa’s anguish. How much more can their poor feet take? I would very much love to know your thoughts (yes I know this is scary). I look forward to reading your snippets today, too.

Visit the official site of Weekend Writing Warriors for the complete list of participating authors. If it’s your first time, I’d like to suggest you visit some of my favorite authors: Veronica Scott, Sarah Cass, Sarah Wesson, Millie Burns and Caitlin Stern.

I’m heading off to Spain next week for two months, so sadly I won’t be participating on W.W.W. for the next few weeks. I will return once I’m settled in Spain. Until then I’ll miss you all! Before I go, I’m thinking of changing the title of my story and I would like some feedback, if it’s not too much trouble. My possible suggestions are:

1. Girl On a Hot Tin Roof
2. Hot Time in the Old House
3. Heat

What do you think? If you can suggest a different title based on the snippets I would welcome that as well. Click on the Contact Me tab on my site if you want to give me a detailed suggestion. Thanks so much!

Happy Easter!

#8Sunday

 

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Can Melissa break the pipe? – Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors  and Snippet Sunday . The rules are simple: 8 sentences, no more, no less. Post them to your website by Sunday morning and enjoy the fun.

I’m sharing a final snippet from my short story. Melissa and Ashley have been enduring what seems like an everlasting hot foot. Melissa spots a plastic pipe as she desperately tries to break it open, knowing her feet will be severely burned if she doesn’t. Ashley watches hoping water spews out as she continues to dance. Their captors above watch them – only they know the truth about the pipe. Can this save the girls?

 On with the eight:

Yanking harder on the pipe, my feet screamed from agonizing pain as I pressed them against the wall. The nauseating smell of the egg overcooking on the floor, and Ashley’s constant ouches made my head spin.

“C’mon Mel, my feet can’t take anymore of this!”

Feeling my eyes welling up with tears, I kept pulling with every aching muscle in my arms. I could no longer watch my baby sister suffer, while endlessly lifting up one foot after the other. Just as the pipe began to crack, a gust of white gas blew at me from the wall. I hacked at the blast and inhaled the fumes, which began to make me feel light-headed. My eyes got heavy as my grip on the pipe loosened.

I know you must be thinking it’s over for them. The story ends on a positive note, but because this is unpublished I can’t tell you how it ends. Your comments are most welcome and I thank you for your feedback while I’ve been sharing this story.

Next weekend, I will be attending a work-related conference in Mexico City, so I won’t be participating in next week’s session. I plan to be absent from the snippet memes until December, due to increased work commitments – I find I can only write on weekends. I will miss you all until then and appreciate your understanding.

#8Sunday

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